Tuesday | March 19, 2024
White House Security Breached Again, By Muppets

WASHINGTON (CAP) - The Secret Service is defending itself for the second time in a week today, after news broke that a White House state dinner had again been crashed by uninvited guests - this time by Muppets characters Statler and Waldorf, fresh off their appearance in the Muppets' viral Bohemian Rhapsody video.

When asked how they got in to the affair, Statler said that they had "entered a contest."

"Yeah, and we lost!" added Waldorf, prompting the two of them to laugh riotously.

According to Secret Service spokesman James Mackey, the security failure occurred at the initial checkpoint. He said the Muppets should have been turned away when Waldorf said, "I have our tickets right here," and Statler turned to him and asked, "Are they good seats?" prompting Waldorf to respond, "Sure are - they're on the next train out of town!" Then they both guffawed until they were waved through to the next checkpoint.

"The failure is ours," admitted Mackey, who acknowledged that there hadn't been a puppet on the official White House guest list since Wayland Flowers and Madame visited President Carter in 1979.

"In our defense, these Muppets are not especially well-known," added Mackey. "If it had been Miss Piggy and Kermit, or even Rowlf and Gonzo, I think that would have raised some red flags." Mackey declined to comment as to whether he thought Statler and Waldorf were more recognizable than Pepe the King Prawn and Zoot, the saxophone player in the Electric Mayhem.

Apparently Statler and Waldorf mingled with guests for several hours, even getting into a long discussion with Vice President Joe Biden, who apparently thought they were a wealthy homosexual couple upset about the military's policies toward gay recruits.

"I told him we didn't believe in Don't Ask, Don't Tell," said Statler.

"Yeah, because we were going to tell him how bad the dinner was, whether he asked or not!" said Waldorf. "Wauh-ha-ha-ha!"

The breach was especially embarrassing coming in the wake of last week's incident, in which Michaele and Tareq Salahi, a Virginia couple auditioning for a Bravo reality show, somehow made their way past security. It has since been discovered that the couple had also crashed Ted Kennedy's funeral and President Obama's last joint address to Congress, where Tareq Salahi has been spotted on video, prodding congressman Joe Wilson as he yelled "You lie!"

For his part, Obama says there is no excuse for the lapse. "First of all, security at the White House should be, you know, state of the art," he said. "But especially in this case, when the guests were being followed by three puppeteers with their hands up their butts."

Statler and Waldarf were apparently there as part of a publicity stunt to promote a book they have coming out in 2010, From the Balcony, which is said to include explicit details of their trysts with silent film star Dolores del Rio. And they were unapologetic about their escapade.

"All's well that ends well," noted Statler, prompting Waldorf to respond, "Doesn't matter to me, as long as it ends!" Then the laughter continued.

- CAP News Staff

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