Friday | December 2, 2016
Publisher To Pull Palin Book, Replace With "Going Vogue"

DES MOINES, Iowa (CAP) - In a surprise move, Harper, the publisher of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue: An American Life memoir, has announced it is immediately pulling all copies of the book off shelves and will re-release a revised version of it in time for Black Friday.

"Focus groups have been consistently telling us that they would like to see a more feminine side to Gov. Palin, so we've asked Sarah to rework the premise," said Larry Gates, a marketing VP for Harper. "We hope to get the new book, now titled Going Vogue: An American Princess, on the shelves by the end of next week at the latest."

Handouts provided to the press describe the book as a "battle by one woman to assert her femininity in the wilds of Alaska." Gone from its pages are lurid scenes of wolf slaughter, drunken fishing expeditions and bawdy stories that many associated with Palin are familiar with. Instead, readers will find quiet meditations, favorite recipes, and warm anecdotes, such as meeting husband Todd for the first time:

"He was covered in head to toe with grizzly urine, so the coyotes wouldn't attack him as he raced his snow scooter through the wilderness," writes Palin. "It was a smell just like Daddy used to smell like, and I was instantly attracted to him, despite the strippers on both arms, you betcha. Momma, I says, Help me whup them bimbos and I shall marry that man. We did, and I did, also."

According to publishing insiders, the book was faring poorly within its target audience before a chance misprint sent Harper executives thinking in another direction.

"Group after group of conservative readers were just cold to it," recalls one publishing source. "The women wanted her to tell them how to live their lives, give them crocheting and feminine hygiene pointers, that sort of thing. Conservative men just wanted her to be a bit more weak, subservient ... someone who'd giggle and blush if they called her 'honey' and pinched her ass."

The tide turned when a focus group was accidentally told they'd be reading Palin's Going Vogue: An American Princess.

"American royalty? They loved it. I think the decision was made that day to rework the title, the whole book," our anonymous source says. "Money trumps ideology, every time."

While Sarah Palin is trying to put her best face forward, it is evident that she isn't completely thrilled that her "mavericky trademark" had been trumped.

"Oh gee, I'm just the happiest fuckin' bitch on the crab boat, don'tcha know?" Palin quipped before and settling down to dress a bull moose at an Iowa Tea Party and (postponed) book signing.

Palin's book tour for An American Princess is expected to re-kickoff early next month with a full spread and write-up in Redneck Glamour Magazine.

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

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