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Exploding iPods Part Of Microsoft Revenge Plot
SEATTLE (CAP) - In what some are labeling an elaborate prank and others call corporate sabotage, sources close to the Microsoft Corp. say the software giant may actually be behind the rash of exploding iPods and iPhones reported throughout Europe.
Cases in both France and the UK have resulted in users being sprayed by shards of glass, and in Leicester, England last week, where a number of iPods and iPhones exploded at once, once of the city's trendiest coffee shops was practically leveled, leaving several overstuffed couches burning in flames.
"We jolly well can't have people's mobiles exploding while they're yakking on the blower, now can we?" asked UK Solicitor General Vera Baird, who has vowed to prosecute. "Rather bad form, what?"
Some have pointed to overheating lithium batteries as a likely source of the explosions, but one source close to the Microsoft Board of Directors, who spoke to CAP News under condition of anonymity, confirmed that his company had plotted to make the devices explode as retaliation for an Apple prank against Microsoft last year.
In that incident, a bug created by Apple caused Microsoft Zune devices to crash on New Year's Eve, leaving their owners unable to listen to their Rush and Buggles songs at their parties that night.
According to the Microsoft source, the original plan was to create a similar bug that would crash iPods. "But our engineers couldn't figure out how to do it, which is odd because they create bugs that crash our own devices all the time, without even trying," he said.
So instead, the company hired undercover commandoes to infiltrate Apple warehouses and plant tiny explosive devices in iPods and iPhones shipping throughout Europe.
"You'd be amazed how many commandoes Microsoft has under contract," said the source. "Turns out they're much more reliable than the engineers."
The source did say that while "we may have gone a little too far," he pointed out that one board member's proposal to also sabotage Apple CEO Steve Jobs' dialysis machine failed, 6-4.
Apple officials had no comment on the allegations, but are rumored to have commissioned their own contingent of younger, cooler, better-dressed commandoes and may retaliate. Meanwhile, the explosions don't seem to have hurt sales, with the vast majority of consumers polled saying that they would still buy an iPod that might explode if the alternative meant having to get a Zune.
Ironically, Microsoft had its own problem earlier this year with Zune devices exploding, but nobody noticed.
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