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PORTSMOUTH, N.H. (CAP) - A normally calm and collected Barack Obama had what can only be described as a meltdown of presidential proportions earlier this week following his town hall healthcare meeting in the granite state. According to witnesses, the uncharacteristic event took place as he addressed both supporters and detractors just outside the building.
"Listen, you know what? You can all just go to hell," President Obama said to the stunned crowd. "How do you like them apples? Well you better like 'em, because without this healthcare plan, an apple a day is the only thing that's going to keep the doctor away.
"God, you people are a mess," Obama continued in front of the stunned crowd. "You, tuck your shirt in. This is America, not some friggin' third world country. No wonder everyone in Europe laughs at you. And would it kill you to run a comb through your hair once in a while?"
At that point, witnesses say the crowd began to disperse as it appeared Obama was through with his diatribe. Just then a young crippled boy hobbled forward on his crutches and asked the president what Bill Clinton thought of his healthcare plan.
"Listen, you know what, Bill Clinton isn't the president," Obama said as the veins on his neck began to bulge. "I am the president. Me, a black man. Born, as far as you know, here in the United States. Voted by 52.9% of this country to represent you, the American people. Now, get a grip!"
For the most part, medical professionals concur that Obama's outburst has been a long time timing, with little signs showing up here and there over the past few months: going toe-to-toe with the umpire during a White House charity softball game; haggling over the cost of a bran muffin with an elderly woman during the White House bake sale; and yelling at Sasha for "playing that same piece of music over and over and over again" as she practiced the piano for the White House Christmas party.
"Can you honestly blame the guy?" asked CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "This is the stuff that workplace shootings are made of. And domestic violence. And racially-motivated attacks. He could be his own poster child for mental health awareness.
"You know, by this time in his first term, President Bush had already been on vacation back at the Crawford ranch for six weeks," Reveiz noted. "All Obama's had is dinner in Paris and a quick trip to Hawaii. See, even a black president gets the shaft compared to his white counterparts."
Reports that Obama flipped the bird to everyone as he was climbing into his limo remain unfounded, but numerous people confirmed hearing him bitch and moan about the limo's air conditioning as the doors were shut behind him.
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