Sunday | August 2, 2015
Slots Still Open For Al Qaeda Summer Camp
One of the Camp Fatah counselors asks the CAP News photographer to wait before snapping a picture, but we didn't. We were escorted off the property shortly thereafter.

CASAS ADOBES, Ariz. (CAP) - There may not be much time left for summer vacation, but there's still plenty of time to sign your child up for a week of al Qaeda summer camp. With 14 locations around the country, the AQSC program is the perfect opportunity to add some zing to summer before it's over.

"This is the best summer I ever had," said 13-year-old Ryan Donnelly as he stuffed nails into a pipe and screwed on a cap to finish a project for his Arts & Crafts class. "I thought I'd miss all my old friends from back home, but I totally made a ton of new ones to replace them.

"I can't wait for jihad and s'mores around the campfire tomorrow night," Donnelly added. "It's gonna be awesome!"

Nestled in the quaint nature preserve of Tohono Chul Park, Camp Fatah is one of three such al Qaeda summer camps in the southwest U.S. and by far the largest. With an annual enrollment topping 400 eager youths, Camp Fatah boasts one counselor for every three campers, whose ages range from 10 to 17. The counselors agree: it's all about the children.

"This is an investment in the future of these precious children," said Camp Fatah director Emu Mushi al-Kuholik. "The banner of Islam will necessarily be raised when the land is watered with the blood of these young martyrs.

"Oh, and we strongly recommend all the kids take our dutch oven cooking course," added al-Kuholik. "Our campers won three ribbons at the county cook-off last year!"

In all, there are 42 different activities from which to choose at an AQSC camp, including classics such as Capture The Flag, Water Balloon Toss and Leatherworking, along with more modern AQSC offerings such as Suicide Suitcase Relay, Duck Duck Boom and Crowded Marketplace Musical Chairs.

"This is my daughter Kaitlin's second year at AQSC," said mother Heather Dagnon of Tucson. "She loves it and doesn't even want to come home anymore, she's having so much fun.

"Well, that's what her counselors tell me," added Dagnon. "I haven't actually talked to Kaitlin in about three weeks and my letters are being returned unopened - but I know she's having a blast!"

As AQSC's flagship program, Camp Fatah offers more than most of the other AQSC locations. While all campers spend the full night for their stay, next year camp officials plan to experiment with a daycamp option for children as young as five who may have difficulty separating from their parents. Counselors say after one week at Camp Fatah, those fears are gone, along with most of the love they felt for their infidel parents.

Parents wishing to enroll their child in an AQSC program should contact the specific camp's main office directly. Only those children who attend at least a week of al Qaeda summer camp are eligible for the Semester Overseas Program in Afghanistan this fall.

- CAP News Staff

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Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «» World Trade Organization approves putting 'Country Of Origin' labels on immigrants coming into the US to help Americans better target their discrimination «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «»