Friday | December 19, 2014
Slots Still Open For Al Qaeda Summer Camp
One of the Camp Fatah counselors asks the CAP News photographer to wait before snapping a picture, but we didn't. We were escorted off the property shortly thereafter.

CASAS ADOBES, Ariz. (CAP) - There may not be much time left for summer vacation, but there's still plenty of time to sign your child up for a week of al Qaeda summer camp. With 14 locations around the country, the AQSC program is the perfect opportunity to add some zing to summer before it's over.

"This is the best summer I ever had," said 13-year-old Ryan Donnelly as he stuffed nails into a pipe and screwed on a cap to finish a project for his Arts & Crafts class. "I thought I'd miss all my old friends from back home, but I totally made a ton of new ones to replace them.

"I can't wait for jihad and s'mores around the campfire tomorrow night," Donnelly added. "It's gonna be awesome!"

Nestled in the quaint nature preserve of Tohono Chul Park, Camp Fatah is one of three such al Qaeda summer camps in the southwest U.S. and by far the largest. With an annual enrollment topping 400 eager youths, Camp Fatah boasts one counselor for every three campers, whose ages range from 10 to 17. The counselors agree: it's all about the children.

"This is an investment in the future of these precious children," said Camp Fatah director Emu Mushi al-Kuholik. "The banner of Islam will necessarily be raised when the land is watered with the blood of these young martyrs.

"Oh, and we strongly recommend all the kids take our dutch oven cooking course," added al-Kuholik. "Our campers won three ribbons at the county cook-off last year!"

In all, there are 42 different activities from which to choose at an AQSC camp, including classics such as Capture The Flag, Water Balloon Toss and Leatherworking, along with more modern AQSC offerings such as Suicide Suitcase Relay, Duck Duck Boom and Crowded Marketplace Musical Chairs.

"This is my daughter Kaitlin's second year at AQSC," said mother Heather Dagnon of Tucson. "She loves it and doesn't even want to come home anymore, she's having so much fun.

"Well, that's what her counselors tell me," added Dagnon. "I haven't actually talked to Kaitlin in about three weeks and my letters are being returned unopened - but I know she's having a blast!"

As AQSC's flagship program, Camp Fatah offers more than most of the other AQSC locations. While all campers spend the full night for their stay, next year camp officials plan to experiment with a daycamp option for children as young as five who may have difficulty separating from their parents. Counselors say after one week at Camp Fatah, those fears are gone, along with most of the love they felt for their infidel parents.

Parents wishing to enroll their child in an AQSC program should contact the specific camp's main office directly. Only those children who attend at least a week of al Qaeda summer camp are eligible for the Semester Overseas Program in Afghanistan this fall.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE u.s. NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over the holidays due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «»
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over the holidays due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «»