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Obama To Share Spliff With China
WASHINGTON (CAP) - As the U.S. and China continue with high-level talks aimed at forging a new relationship to help both countries work together better to fix the world's toughest problems, President Barack Obama is taking a page out of his own diplomacy playbook. The Commander-in-Chief has invited Chinese President Hu Jintao to the White House to share a marijuana cigarette.
"While both of our countries have begun to, uhh, make great strides, nothing helps two men talk more freely than, uhh, sharing in some cannabis," Obama said this morning. "And if President Hu wants to bring some opium, then that's fine by me as well."
White House officials are downplaying expectations that the upcoming bong summit will produce any groundbreaking achievements in U.S.-China relations, especially since no one is completely sure what kind of person Jintao is when he's high. One of the concerns is that Jintao will just sit and smile and nod at the president while he's talking, "something that Asians are wont to do."
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said a task force has been assigned to identify and interpret the various reactions Jintao could have and provide Obama appropriate responses to each.
"We don't know if Mr. Hu will just sit and stare off into space once the festivities get underway, or if he'll start sobbing like a baby and apologize for 50 years of Chinese human rights violations," said Gibbs. "But either way, we're pretty sure he'll be pleased with the quality of the Maui wowie."
Gibbs said there will be plenty of snacks on hand to assist in the aftermath of the rendezvous, including a full spread from the New Big Wong Chinese Restaurant. "President Obama always wants Chinese food after he has a joint," said Gibbs. "Umm, I mean, after he meets with the joint ... chiefs of staff. Yeah."
Republican reaction to news of the impending meeting has been guarded, with some saying that Obama is stepping on the toes of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who has been in China meeting with officials there on a variety of issues. However, Democrats say Clinton's strip-tease act, her primary diplomacy tool, is not having as favorable a reaction in China as it did in North Korea.
"Listen, I love a hit as much as the next Republican, especially before a big vote, but what's next? Dropping some ecstacy with Ahmadinejad?" asked Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC). "This White House is becoming way too loosy goosy for my Republican morals."
While no specific date has yet been set for the meeting, Gibbs said the location will likely be a room inside the White House, rather than one of the picnic tables out back. "That way we can shield them from the media should either of them act stupidly," he said.
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