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WASHINGTON (CAP) - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has come under fire yet again, this time for claims that the CIA withheld information regarding the results of the American Idol finale. Pelosi said she didn't know Kris Allen had already won when she announced her support of contestant Adam Lambert this morning.
"The only mention of the show was that it was another great season," Pelosi said of a recent CIA briefing. "They knew I was planning on watching the finale [this Tuesday night]. They knew because I told them I hope Adam wins.
"Yet they deliberately misled me and the entire Congress by not telling us that the season had already ended and Kris Allen was the winner," Pelosi added. "I hope he did his final song with his guitar and not the piano."
Pelosi dismissed suggestions that she was in any way involved in the outcome of the popular Fox program, despite phone records that show she and others in Congress had submitted votes for their favorite singers as far back as early April. Briefing documents also indicate that Pelosi watched the season finale of 24, during which the following evening's final night of Idol was heavily promoted.
"Speaker Pelosi's a big fat liar, bambalam," said former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA). "The fact is, she left my weekly gin rummy game early every Tuesday night to go home and watch that stupid show. And she never missed the results show, even though you only needed to tune in to the last five minutes.
"You know, we would have stopped inviting her long ago if she didn't always bring those scrumptious jelly squares every week," Gingrich added.
Others echoed Gingrich's sentiment, saying that the jelly squares are pretty much the only reason Pelosi has any support in Congress right now. Rep. Rob Bishop (R-UT) said if Pelosi were to consider coming out with a new exercise video, she would most definitely gain that bipartisan support she's been lacking throughout this entire affair.
"What did Pelosi know, when did she know it, and is that a hint of nutmeg in these squares?" Bishop asked on the floor of the House. "If you want us to believe the CIA has something to hide about American Idol, then make sure you have nothing to hide about these ingredients."
Bishop and other House Republicans then demanded that a bipartisan panel investigate her recipe, but Democrats defeated the proposal, calling it a "Betty Crocker ploy" to launch an irrelevant attack against Pelosi as their main argument loses steam.
When reached for comment, both Kris Allen and Adam Lambert responded with a simple yet enlightening, "Nancy who?"