Sunday | December 21, 2014
Cheney Demands Release Of His Old Stack Of Playboys
Obama gathers with congressional leaders to examine the evidence in Dick Cheney's release request.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Former Vice President Dick Cheney is on the warpath once again, this time demanding the declassification and release of his old stack of Playboy magazines, currently being kept under lock and key by the National Archives and Records Administration. Cheney defended his right to the magazines on this week's Meet The Press.

"I've now formally asked the CIA to take steps to declassify these magazines so the American people have a chance to see just what I did with my time as vice president," Cheney told David Gregory. "They were quick to release my issues of Gun Digest and American Rifleman but they're unfairly stalling on the Playboys.

"There's more to Dick Cheney than just guns and ammo," Cheney added, "and the American people have a right to know that."

A CIA spokesman confirmed to CAP News that a review of Cheney's request is underway, but said that an executive order governing Bush-era documents may stand in the way of complying with the request. For his part, President Obama is fighting the release of the hundreds of magazines, saying their existence reflected America "losing our moral bearings."

"The most direct consequence of releasing them, I believe, would be to further inflame the many feminist groups in America who are opposed to man's pursuit of his daily sustenance of pornography," Obama said. "I've seen the, uhh, magazines in question, and believe me, they are, uhh, nothing spectacular."

However, others who have seen the magazines say Obama was simply posturing because First Lady Michele was in the room at the time, that Cheney's collection is nothing short of remarkable and deserves to be preserved alongside other national treasures such as the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and Archie Bunker's chair at the Smithsonian Institute.

"We're talking the March, 1980 issue with Bo Derek, Erika Eleniak from August, 1990, even a 1978 Dolly Parton," said Harvard University Leisure Studies professor Langley Holcomb. "If Cheney had spent his years in the White House preserving the Constitution the way he preserved these magazines, this country would be extremely well-off."

Additionally, Dick Cheney's daughter Mary has begun making a round of cable television appearances to implore for the safe return of what she describes as "these family heirlooms." In an interview with Fox News Channel, Mary Cheney said she has fond memories of "snuggling up" with her dad and flipping through the latest issue of Playboy together.

"Say what you want about my dad as a politician," Mary Cheney said, "but he always took interest in his daughters' activities and hobbies."

Democrats and Republicans have begun sparring over the issue of the magazines, while House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has come under fire for claiming nobody told her that men liked to look at pornography magazines.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «»
Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «»