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WASHINGTON (CAP) - The Obama administration today rejected the latest restructuring plan presented by automakers General Motors and Chrysler, saying the two auto giants failed once again to provide a satisfactory blueprint detailing how they plan to use government funds to return their companies to profitability.
"While both companies have made a good faith effort to restructure over the past several months, the current plan is, uhh, nothing but, uhh, nothing but a dozen pages of doodles," President Obama told reporters during a White House briefing this morning.
Obama then proceeded to show reporters the executive restructuring plan, which appeared to be written on college-ruled lined paper torn from a metal-ring notebook and stapled three times in the upper-left corner. Pages contained sketches done in both pencil and pen, including a number of mini caricatures of different government figures, various floral designs, and a listing of car makes and models with tally marks beside them.
"And it appears here on page six that someone started a game of Hangman but couldn't finish it," Obama noted as he flipped through the plan. "I can tell by the C, the two L's and the S that this word is clearly collapse.
"I don't know how they couldn't get that," Obama added.
New GM chief executive Fritz Henderson said he understands his company has some work to do in order to come up with a fully-baked plan the government can stand behind. However, he said pundits who are quick to criticize don't understand some of the hurdles the auto industry is facing.
"These meetings we have to sit through are so long and boring," Henderson said as he made a gagging motion with his finger. "And I guess now instead of taking our jets we have to drive everywhere? Nobody told me that when I took this job.
"On the last trip, all we had was this tiny magnetic game of Connect Four that [Chrysler Chief Robert] Nardelli brought," Henderson added. "That got old quick."
Obama said he plans to give both companies one more shot at producing legitimate restructuring plans before he takes his presidential sword and just lops them both off at the knees. He said that while Chrysler's situation is "fairly dire," GM lags so far behind Toyota that they may never catch up.
"Just look at these stick figures with arms sticking out of their sides, and this one with - is that three legs?" the president asked, clearly exasperated. "I mean, Sasha can draw better than this.
"We can't even make doodles as well as the Japanese," Obama added. "How can we expect to compete with them making cars?"
Tomorrow Congress will vote on whether to provide the automakers with word processor training so that the next draft of their plans is actually typewritten.
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