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BARCELONA, Spain (CAP) - A Spanish special prosecutor known for legally reaching beyond his country's borders has announced that he is considering an investigation into the United States' new Attorney General Eric Holder.
But unlike past Spanish cases involving torture and other human rights violations, this investigation will center around something different: moose burgers.
"AG Holder wins an Alaskan sweepstakes, and two weeks later Mr. Stevens gets off? Amigo, that's some cojones felleas there," Spanish Magistrate Baltasar Garzon said Wednesday. "Does it reach the level of having your nipples clamped to a car battery? No, but the law is the law."
Magistrate Garzon has previously made headlines for his investigation of human rights abuse cases involving Chilean president Augusto Pinochet, several genocidal dictators, and six Bush-era advisors.
This current investigation centers around Holder and his decision to drop all charges against former Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens, who was convicted in October on seven counts of lying on financial disclosure forms about gifts he received while a sitting senator.
The move came two weeks after Holder won the Alaskan "Moose Meat 4 Life!" sweepstakes, a contest closely overseen by a cousin to the former senator, Alaskan real estate mogul Eliot "Grizzly" Stevens.
Moments after the announcement by Magistrate Garzon, AG Holder issued a stinging rebuttal.
"There was no quid pro quo here, and Senior Garzon knows it," Holder said in a statement. "And there's no way I'm giving back my moose meat, I don't care what anyone says. Have you tried this stuff? Holy hell! I dare anyone to try a teriyaki moose steak and not get hooked. And don't even get me started on the Anchorage oysters!"
Former Pentagon advisor Douglas Feith, himself a target of investigation by Magistrate Garzon over the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, has leapt to the attorney general's defense with a call for a bipartisan front against the steady stream of subpoenas coming across the Atlantic from Spain.
"This is outrageous political grandstanding, and I think we should counter it with a fence stretching from Florida to the tip of Maine to keep the other brown Spanish-speaking people out," Feith told CAP News. "You show up at our fence with a Spanish accent and a briefcase, it better contain cocaine Julio, because if you're trying to smuggle in legal briefs, you're gonna have some 'splaining to do. Cough-rendition-cough."
Repeated attempts to contact ex-Senator Stevens for comment kept hitting him at nap time.
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