- Wal-Mart Arms Greeters With Semi-Automatic Guns
- Paula Deen: "I Would Have Freed My Slaves, Probably"
- Guy Who Keeps Track Of IP Addresses Exhausted
CLEVELAND (CAP) - Robin Williams, who underwent successful heart surgery at the Cleveland Clinic, has seen his recovery impeded by a spunky, irreverent doctor with a quirky sense of humor and a disdain for authority, according to sources close to the actor/comedian.
"They guy is just driving him insane - he came in the other day wearing a clown nose and those tremendous shoes," said a close family friend of Williams' who asked not to be named. "The first time he blew that stupid bike horn, Robin flatlined for a full 45 seconds."
The doctor has also, on more than one occasion, recited to a weak and recovering Williams the entire "death" speech from the movie Patch Adams.
"You know, the one that starts Death, to die, to expire, to pass on," said the friend. "By the time he got to Dead as a mutton, Robin was pumping on his morphine drip like it was one of those squishy stress balls."
The doctor is apparently only the latest of several hospital employees who have made Williams' recovery difficult, according to the friend. At least one orderly insists on doing his John Wayne-as-Hamlet impression every time he changes Williams' bedpan ("Wuh-ell, is this a dagger that I see before me"), and each night the janitor stops in his room to do his version of Elmer Fudd singing Bruce Springsteen's Fire, much to Williams' chagrin.
"And there was this one nurse who would always be doing the swishy, flaming gay guy," said Williams' friend, "but it turned out that was really just the way he talked."
According to director Garry Marshall, a longtime Williams friend, the problem has dogged Williams throughout his career.
"Back in the '70s his coke dealers used to greet him with Nanoo, nanoo," said Marshall. "They'd sit there going Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson, and Robin's just standing there shaking until he gets his dimebag.
"And after his last divorce [in March 2008] he was very briefly involved with a woman who turned out to be an unemployed actor in a giant bra with his face covered in latex," Marshall revealed. "You'd think he would have seen that one coming."
Williams' current doctor, who insisted on being referred to only as "Patch," says that Williams' performance in the 1998 medical comedy/drama "truly inspired him."
"I think that's why I became a doctor in the first place - because that movie showed me that life is short and you have to make the most of it," said Patch, who then thought for a second and added, "Although now that I think about it, I may be thinking of that movie where he played the kid who aged prematurely.
"In retrospect, that one was kind of creepy," said Patch.
Despite the setbacks, doctors at the clinic are still saying that Williams will eventually be fine, although they do admit that his career will probably never fully recover from Death To Smoochy.
- CAP News Staff