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BOOKS
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NEW YORK (CAP) - It's a rite of passage for past presidents to pen their memoirs shortly after leaving office, to put a spin on their accomplishments and try to give subtext to their years at the helm. In announcing this week that he has signed on to write his own version of events as he saw them unfold over the past few years, George W. Bush is no different. What is different is the format.
"Former President Bush had to deal with many things that just sort of leapt out at him during his two terms in office, and he thought what better way to illustrate this than by making his memoirs a pop-up book," said Bush part-time spokesman Peter Eliot.
"Like no other presidential memoir before, history will literally jump out at you," noted Eliot.
"Imagine the twin towers, leaping up as you flip the page, only to come crashing down again as you go on to the next. Or Saddam Hussein, poking his head in and out of his hidey hole as you turn the pages through his own evil chapter. I think the American people will be enlightened, amused and shock-n-awed by this particular memoir," Eliot predicted.
The book will cover many key decisions made during the president's two terms, from sending troops to Iraq to vowing never to ride a Segway again. One pop-up scene in particular has already drawn a considerable amount of protest from several online liberal communities.
"It's Guantanamo, at dawn, a sweeping, brilliant diorama, with the terrorist dudes praying and stuff," said an intern at the Crown Publishing Group, which will be handling the memoir. "Only, when you go to turn the page, all these praying prisoners in their orange jumpsuits slide into the sun, creating a sort of Dante-esque terrorist cook-off. It's awesome man, the very image of hell."
While the actual writing on the project will probably be handled by a team of ghost writers, CAP News has learned that the former president himself plans on overseeing the complex paper constructions necessary to make the pop-ups come to life.
"He's been taking origami classes, absolutely cramming on the subject in a way that he's never done before," said one source close to the inner Bush circle. "He keeps telling people, Look, I make the folds, I'm The Folder, and people believe him.
"He sees this as his single best shot for putting a few sharp creases into his legacy, and he's taking it," added the source.
The tentatively-titled History Unfolds will hit bookstores sometime in 2010.
Contributing Writer
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