Friday | November 28, 2014
Bush Pre-Signs Cards To Pardon Future Criminals

PAWTUCKET, RI (CAP) - Toy-making giant Habro announced today that it was filing a lawsuit in federal court to force George Bush and members of his former administration to stop using its "trademarks, logos, and other intellectual properties" immediately.

"Not to be cute about it, but we do have a monopoly on Monopoly," said lead attorney Greg D'Angelo. "The former administration is engaging in a blatant abuse of copyright, and we just want them to stop."

The lawsuit seeks to compel Bush and other former federal officials to stop using custom-printed "Chance" cards, which are included in every edition of Hasbro's iconic Monopoly board game.

Aides to the former president admit to altering one of the cards from the White House's copy of the game and making several hundred copies of it to give away to employees, political donors, and friends.

"They went out in Christmas cards mostly, although some members of the administration sought to sweeten their future fortunes by wrapping resumes around them and sending them that way," said one former mid-level aide to President Bush.

"And the thing is, they're completely legit, according to the lawyers," noted the aide. "The President signed the back of each one, making them legally-binding pre-pardons."

Legitimate or not, Hasbro is not waiting for a legal challenge to see the cards either destroyed or licensed. In addition to their lawsuit again Bush, the toy company has also filed a cease and desist order against the online auction site eBay. Two auctions on the site have seen the cards fetching upwards of $10,000 a piece.

"While I realize that most of us would love to be able to kill someone, flash a card and go on our merry way, Hasbro cannot allow its property to be used in such a manner," D'Angelo said. "At least, not without just compensation.

"We refused several times to let them print up and distribute our money for free," D'Angelo added, "so I'm not sure why they would think other elements of our Monopoly game would be any different."

A probably cause hearing to consider the case's merits has been set for early next week.

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «»
Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «»