Monday | September 1, 2014
Obama: Bush Took Washer, Dryer, Fridge When He Left
President Obama calls wife Michelle to tell her he found a fridge that he likes.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Showing the resiliency that many say won him the election in the first place, President Barack Obama hugged his wife and children and mustered a smile for the reporters gathered on the South Lawn as he announced that the first family would be spending its first days in the White House without a washer, dryer or refrigerator.

"It, umm, appears that President Bush has, umm, taken the aforementioned appliances with him on his trip back to Crawford, Tex.," Obama said as he fought back tears. "This is not just a difficult time for Michelle and myself, and the girls, but a difficult time for all middle class Americans who just want a pair of clean socks."

According to CAP News sources at the White House, the appliances were present during Obama's walk-through just prior to the inauguration, but were noticed missing for the first time that evening. Witnesses did report seeing a pick-up truck with a large cargo departing from a service entrance shortly after Obama was sworn in as the 44th president, but believed workers were simply leaving with Dick Cheney's oxygen chamber.

"We all knew Obama would be tested as soon as he took that oath," said CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "How he handles this situation will set the stage for future crises, not the least of which is his own economic microcosm."

To Reveiz' point, Democratic leaders plan to push for $1,500 of the $350 billion in bailout money to be used for the purchase of new appliances for the Obamas. However, an unidentified Obama advisor said the president may be trying to have his old appliances shipped from Chicago if they have not yet been redistributed to another family. Civil rights leaders see a double standard.

"So President Obama has to use his old, crappy appliances - why? Because he's black?" said former Obama pastor Jeremiah Wright. "You know damn well if McCain had won he'd have a new refrigerator that makes those fancy ice cubes and always has a cold glass of water ready for your thirst.

"Everyone knows the way to break a black man's spirit is through his clothes and through his stomach," ranted Wright. "When will The Man stop trying to hold us down?"

Political pundits say if the Obamas do purchase new appliances, it could open the door to an entirely new controversy: whether or not to buy traditional white appliances or go with a more modern black look. Both sides of the aisle agree the new president could come across as indecisive if he opts to avoid any confrontation and go with something along the lines of chrome or stainless steel.

In the meantime, the Obamas have rented a small college dorm refrigerator for immediate needs and are using a local laundromat for their wardrobe thanks to the substantial amount of change they found wedged between the cushions of President Bush's old sofa.

"Thank God he left the toilet," said Reveiz, "or this could have been a lot worse."

- CAP News Staff

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