QUEENS, NY (CAP) - American entrepreneur Russell Simmons and publisher Bantam Books have teamed up on a new book meant to help ease the presidential transition from old, pasty white guy to young, hip black man. The publication, entitled A Guide For Dorky White People In Obamamerica, is due in stores early next month.
"For years, brothers have put up with needy white guys who can't quite do the handshake and think that all black people are related," Simmons told CAP News during an exclusive phone interview.
"They're not racist, just dumb," explained the hip-hop mogul. "With the change in America, it felt like the time to set things straight."
The 72-page guide contains tips and hints for daily living, complete with illustrations for the less educated and West Virginia residents. Bantam Books provided CAP News with excerpts from the inside jacket of the book:
Don't randomly high-five blacks and yell, "We did it!"
Do take down your Sarah Palin screensaver
Do watch CMT
Don't watch BET
Do be a quarterback with pocket presence
Don't scramble for first downs
Do rap in your car if your name is Marshall Mathers
Don't rap if your name is anything else
Do dance if you are in a ballroom
Don't if you are in a nightclub
Do watch Will Smith movies
Don't watch Tyler Perry movies
Don't wear grilles
Do laugh at black comedians making fun of white people
Don't use the N word under any circumstances even if you are reading a historical document silently to yourself
Don't carve the letter B into chunky white girls at ATMs
The book will be available in all Barnes & Noble and Borders bookstores, and Simmons encourages whites to peruse a copy while they sip their venti mochachinos at the adjacent Starbucks.
- CAP News Staff