Wednesday | August 5, 2015
Nostradamus Writings Predict McCain Victory

DAYTON, Ohio (CAP) - While most pundits and polling outfits are leaning towards a Barack Obama win on Nov. 4, one source noted for his prognostication skills is backing the race's maverick as the favorite to eek out a victory.

"Conventional wisdom picks Obama. Nostradamus, four and a half centuries ago, picked John McCain," said Dr. Hubert Evans, professor of Renaissance Studies at Yale University and author of the best-selling Nostradamus: Prophesize This!

"Quatrain 78, Century X in particular seems to indicate that Obama had better not be measuring the White House windows for curtains quite yet, at least by my interpretation," said Dr. Evans.

The quatrain to which Dr. Evans refers - Quatrain 78 - is located in the grouping of stanzas known as Century X. Originally published in 1555 in Nostradamus' still-popular Les Prophecies, Quatrain 78 reads in full:

At the war's end
The Feeble Kept-One will strike down the Night
And his Imbecile Queen will rise from the snow
Bedecked in finery and the pelt of a wolf.

While a liberal reading of the quatrain may seem to some to contain hidden, relevant meaning, many scholars label as hogwash the idea that Nostradamus was able to see and predict events that would happen so distantly in the future.

"Whenever current events cough up a notable historic chapter, like on 9-11, the Nostradamus nuts are right there, twisting text to make the prediction meet the event," said renowned skeptic and paranormal debunker Chip Manheim. "Just in terms of comparison, take a look at the next quatrain from Century X, Quatrain 79. This, incidentally, was the last quatrain that Nostradamus ever wrote:

"In five moons, the Feeble Kept-One is no more
And his Imbecile Queen sees the Great Bear
From her backyard, alrighty, and flings giant poison arrows
And the Great Bear responds in kind, and, well, The End.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" an exasperated Manheim asked. "See, you can pull whatever interpretation you want out of your ass and you're good to go. I guarantee there will be a whole new spin on Tuesday if Obama wins, and Nostradamus will look like a genius. Mark my words."

The McCain campaign meanwhile has seized on the endorsement and has been proudly trumpeting it at rallies.

"My friends, Nostradamus believed in us because he knew, knew that Sen. Obama would raise his taxes!" McCain told a rabid Dayton crowd before leading them in a rousing chant of "Nostradamus don't like no Obamas!"

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «»
Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «»