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CBS News Pilots "Reality Chick" To Boost Ratings
NEW YORK (CAP) - CBS News has announced that they will soon be switching to a Reality Chick format in an effort to boost low ratings that continue to plague the network. Its underdog position has convinced CBS, in the words of an anonymous source, "that Katie Couric is simply not enough chick power to get the viewer numbers CBS wants."
Sources say that the premise of CBS's original Reality Check will remain the same - taking a statement by a prominent politician and vetting it for truthfulness - but that the "Reality Check team" will be replaced by a weekly "guest chick" who will report her findings in a three-minute segment written by the chick herself.
"These are capable women, not airheads as some might assume," said a CBS spokesman, speaking on conditions of anonymity "because my wife is really pissed about the whole thing."
Some guest Reality Chicks being considered are Pamela Lee Anderson, Cameron Diaz, and the former main squeeze of Hugh Hefner, Holly Madison, who, the CBS spokesman said, "could really use a job, now that she lives in a place that charges actual rent."
Speaking on even more conditions of anonymity, the CBS spokesman gave CAP News exclusive access to an incomplete draft written by Kendra Wilkinson, also late of Hugh Hefner's blonde harem. In an upcoming Reality Chick feature, Wilkinson reports on Barack Obama's claim that John McCain would slash over $800 billion from Medicare as president:
"Okay, so John McCain, who is not THAT old, because I've done older as you know, ahahahanh! So, John McCain is being accused by THE hottest politics dude I've seen since I saw a HOT photo of Bobby Kennedy from back in the 50s or 60s or whatever. I wasn't born yet, ahahahanh!
"So, anyway, Medicaid. No wait, Medicare! This is for people as old as Hef, and like my mom is gonna need it real soon, too. So, hey, Mr. John McCain, DO NOT take a bazillion dollars out of Medicare! But is he really gonna? I would just watch his ass, if I were you, just in case. Barack is hot, I've got his back! You go babe, whooo!"
CBS executives could not be reached for comment, but another anonymous spokesman said they were all "extremely busy with stuff."
- Kate Heidel
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