Thursday | January 29, 2015
Google Browser Features Perfect Toast Technology
A page from Google's cartoon pamphlet explaining how Chrome PTT works

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (CAP) - While fans and critics alike agree that Google's Chrome web browser puts it on par with the likes of Opera and Safara, further insight into the search company's new browser is revealing technological advances that extend well beyond just the browser window. Google officials say the best is yet to come.

"We call it our Perfect Toast Technology," Chrome project manager Brian Rakowski told CAP News from the cafeteria of Building 41 on the Google campus. "But it's not just toast. We're talking meat cooked exactly the way you like, microwave popcorn that never burns - you name it."

Rakowski said the idea behind Chrome PTT is to collect data on a user's browsing habits and over the course of time create a profile of that person regarding their likes, dislikes and daily routines. It's long been rumored that Google gathers search data for its own marketing purposes, but this denotes the first directly-applied use of that data for consumers.

"Is there anything this browser can't do?" said CAP News technology expert Gordie Duvall as he buttered a piece of golden brown toast. "Not only is it faster than IE or Firefox, but after using it for just one week, it already knows how I like my rye versus marble versus Italian bread.

"And you know how difficult it is to get Italian bread toasted exactly the way you like it," noted Duvall in between bites.

The underpinnings of PTT do exist in the current version of Chrome, but the full-fledged features and their incorporation into home wireless technology aren't due to be released to the public for a few months. Rakowski said there are still a handful of features undergoing porn browsing litmus testing, a process whereby PTT tries to create a full persona profile based solely on a user's porn site browsing habits.

"If PTT can cook you the perfect hamburger based just on porn you download and nothing else, then that is the true mark of success," Rakowski said as he held up a well-done burger. "Me, I like mine with a little more pink in the center, so we still have a ways to go."

Although the initial usage of PTT centers around food preparation, Rakowski said once the back office engine is perfected, it will be easy to port the technology to other aspects of home life where habits and preferences play a large role.

"It won't be long before Chrome knows exactly what temperative to set your room at or how hot you like the shower," said Rakowski. "In fact, it's already 99% accurate in telling you whether you like your toilet paper over or under."

Privacy advocates already up in arms over Google's Living Room View maps feature have filed numerous formal complaints about the new browser. However, the complaints are expected to fall on deaf ears since everybody loves Google.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE tech NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
ISIS hacks U.S. military's Instagram account, posts pictures of last night's dinner and terrorists making duck lips «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «» NFL says if Patriots had deflated footballs, their punt would have wedged in Josh Cribbs' facemask, not bounced off of it «»
ISIS hacks U.S. military's Instagram account, posts pictures of last night's dinner and terrorists making duck lips «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «» NFL says if Patriots had deflated footballs, their punt would have wedged in Josh Cribbs' facemask, not bounced off of it «»