Friday | January 30, 2015
Favre Signs Deal With Gerber

ANDERSON, Ind. (CAP) - In the midst of a comeback attempt that is reportedly tearing apart the Green Bay Packers organization, retired quarterback Brett Favre has signed a multi-year, multi-million dollar endorsement deal with Gerber Baby Foods, according to a press release issued today by Nestle, Gerber's parent company.

"Endorsement deals are tough for baby food companies like ours, since there aren't really a lot of celebrity babies," said Wayne Mallacoat, Gerber's Chief Marketing Officer. "Sure, we've courted the babies of celebrities - Shiloh Jolie Pitt, Suri Cruise and the like - but those are babies who are only famous because their parents are famous.

"But Brett Favre is an actual celebrity in his own right, having enjoyed moderate success as a professional football player," added Mallacoat. "We really think his endorsement is going to boost our sales, especially among the really stupid, whiney boy babies."

Joan Swift, CEO of Sports Kids Marketing USA, noted that Favre's deal could open the flood gates for other celebrity athlete/babies to jump on the endorsement bandwagon.

"Look at how many famous athlete babies there are out there, or celebrities who act like infants or toddlers," said Swift. "Why not have those celebrities cash in by endorsing baby-related products? Wouldn't you like to see John McEnroe binkys, Phil Helmuth rectal thermometers, or Tony Stewart feety pajamas? I know I would!"

CAP News reached Favre at his home in Mississippi but our reporter was unable to obtain any semblance of a coherent quote because "the whining was just unbearable," said the reporter. However, in a taped recording of the brief encounter, Favre can be heard wailing something to the effect of, "Me wanna play for the Packers!" over and over again.

Gerber's new Brett Favre Fava Bean Puree is set to hit store shelves this September, just in time for the start of the NFL season, which may or may not see Favre taking snaps for the Packers or some other team.

- CAP News Staff

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Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» NFL says if Patriots had deflated footballs, their punt would have wedged in Josh Cribbs' facemask, not bounced off of it «» Newly released Mueller report says NFL did not even know Ray Rice had a girlfriend, thought he was beating up a hooker in the elevator «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie seeking bids from NFL owners to be their super fan during upcoming playoff games, vows to jump around like a jackass if team wins «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez sues steroid manufacturer, saying his drugs weren't exactly "performance enhancing" as advertised «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «»