Thursday | November 20, 2014
Favre Signs Deal With Gerber

ANDERSON, Ind. (CAP) - In the midst of a comeback attempt that is reportedly tearing apart the Green Bay Packers organization, retired quarterback Brett Favre has signed a multi-year, multi-million dollar endorsement deal with Gerber Baby Foods, according to a press release issued today by Nestle, Gerber's parent company.

"Endorsement deals are tough for baby food companies like ours, since there aren't really a lot of celebrity babies," said Wayne Mallacoat, Gerber's Chief Marketing Officer. "Sure, we've courted the babies of celebrities - Shiloh Jolie Pitt, Suri Cruise and the like - but those are babies who are only famous because their parents are famous.

"But Brett Favre is an actual celebrity in his own right, having enjoyed moderate success as a professional football player," added Mallacoat. "We really think his endorsement is going to boost our sales, especially among the really stupid, whiney boy babies."

Joan Swift, CEO of Sports Kids Marketing USA, noted that Favre's deal could open the flood gates for other celebrity athlete/babies to jump on the endorsement bandwagon.

"Look at how many famous athlete babies there are out there, or celebrities who act like infants or toddlers," said Swift. "Why not have those celebrities cash in by endorsing baby-related products? Wouldn't you like to see John McEnroe binkys, Phil Helmuth rectal thermometers, or Tony Stewart feety pajamas? I know I would!"

CAP News reached Favre at his home in Mississippi but our reporter was unable to obtain any semblance of a coherent quote because "the whining was just unbearable," said the reporter. However, in a taped recording of the brief encounter, Favre can be heard wailing something to the effect of, "Me wanna play for the Packers!" over and over again.

Gerber's new Brett Favre Fava Bean Puree is set to hit store shelves this September, just in time for the start of the NFL season, which may or may not see Favre taking snaps for the Packers or some other team.

- CAP News Staff

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Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Indianapolis Colts "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez sues steroid manufacturer, saying his drugs weren't exactly "performance enhancing" as advertised «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» Military enlistment skyrockets as thousands seek free meals at Denny's and Golden Corral on Veteran's Day «» Kmart asks employees to celebrate Thanksgiving the weekend before so they can work on Thanksgiving itself «»