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Yahoo Seeks Restraining Order Against Microsoft
SUNNYVALE, Calif. (CAP) - After levying charges of "obsessive stalking" against Microsoft, Yahoo! Inc. is now looking to obtain a restraining order against the software giant.
"At first we didn't want to believe it," states Yahoo on their web site. "We had a really pleasant first date with Microsoft. We were impressed by Microsoft's air of confidence and success. Plus, Microsoft opened doors, pulled out chairs, and, in general, behaved like a perfect gentleman.
"The date ended with a chaste kiss and a promise to call again soon," the web site reads.
According to an internal Yahoo memo obtained by CAP News, Microsoft's behavior took a dark turn soon afterwards. States the memo, "We're sorry to say that Microsoft began stalking us almost immediately. At first the meetings seemed accidental. For example, Microsoft worked out one day next to us at our favorite gym, and later showed up one row behind us at the movie theatre and offered us popcorn."
The memo continues, "These supposed coincidences increased in frequency and intensity. Finally, about a week later, Microsoft slipped into our apartment and handed us the soap while we were taking a shower. That's when we knew we had a terrifying situation on our hands."
The memo goes on to describe a series of desperate attempts by Microsoft to purchase Yahoo. "It's as if Microsoft thinks it can buy our affection - and our silence," said Yahoo founder and CEO Jerry Yang. "They're now doing everything they can to absorb our company and keep us quiet."
Microsoft has denied all charges, claiming the company is still reeling from its $45 billion purchase of Yoo-Hoo to pay any attention to Yahoo.
"These stalking claims are unfounded," a Microsoft spokesperson told CAP News on the condition of anonymity. "You can justifiably accuse us of many things - restraint of trade, intellectual property theft, and Windows Vista. But stalking is taking things a bit too far.
"Quite frankly, we're not that interested in Yahoo on that level," said the spokesperson. "We just want to be friends."
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