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Obama The Brains Behind "Iron My Shirt" Stunt
WASHINGTON (CAP) - With the Democratic presidential nomination firmly in hand, Barack Obama has now come forward and admitted to CAP News that he was the mastermind behind the "Iron My Shirt" initiative that plagued Hillary Clinton's failed campaign.
"It was definitely us," said senior Obama campaign staffer Christian Snell. "Our guys were the ones in the audiences of her public appearances holding those signs, yep. To tell you the truth, that's pretty much all we think she's good for."
Democratic National Vice Chairman Alton Gephardt confirmed that the party was aware of Obama's tactics, but chose not to intervene.
"Let's face it," said Gephardt, "we all know that no woman is smart enough to be president. The way we figure, women should stick to what women do best - stuff like cooking, cleaning, and yes, ironing shirts.
"If Obama wants to give Hillary a position at the White House," Gephardt added, "he should take her off the vice presidential short list and put her on the Chairwoman Of The Laundry short list."
While the current White House staff has refused to give an official statement, President Bush is said to be impressed with Obama's tactics. White House mole Deep Anus told CAP News that Bush described the deed as "awesome" and said he could "definitely see Hillary ironing up some shirts."
Deep Anus said Bush has been seen wandering the halls of the West Wing muttering, "Hey Hillary, light on the starch!" under his breath and then heh-heh'ing at his own comedic ingenuity.
"If it wasn't Hillary, but some hot babe running for president, I could think of a lot of three-word slogans to put on signs with the word 'my' in the middle," said CAP News political analyst Tom Brashcott. "You know, 'Blank My Blank' sort of stuff."
Jackie Rush of the National Association of Dry Cleaners said he believes Hillary is a fine politician, but that doesn't necessarily translate to other professions.
"Ironing a shirt is a skill job that we're just not sure she'd be qualified for," Rush said. "Maybe she could start out as the person who pushes the big bins of laundry around and then work her way up to ironing after a few years."
Rumors that John McCain is planning to place signs at Barack Obama campaign stops that read, "Pick My Cotton" are as yet unfounded.
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