- Girl Scouts: The Silent Killers
- Study Suggests Stonehenge Was Prehistoric McDonald's
- Wolfgang Van Halen Sick Of Being Hit On By 45-Yr-Olds
NRA Opens New Charlton Heston Carnival Game
FAIRFAX, Va. (CAP) - In an effort to bolster sagging revenue and spur increased fervor among gun enthusiasts, the National Rifle Association has announced a new attraction at its national museum in Fairfax, Virginia where visitors will be invited to literally attempt to pry firearms from the cold, dead hands of the corpse of former spokeman Charlton Heston.
"The kids are just going to love it," said NRA official Buckshot McQuarters. "But, let me warn you, it's not as easy as looks."
Heston famously said that if government officials wanted to take his beloved guns away "they would have to pry them from my cold, dead hands." Now, for a fee of $99.95, which includes a lifetime membership to the NRA and a subscription to its monthly publication, I Hope That's A Shotgun In Your Pocket, attendees will have their chance.
Heston reportedly unknowingly agreed to the promotion while in the late stages of Alzheimer's Disease.
"But a deal's a deal!" declared McQuarters.
Those wishing to participate in the macbre exercise will have their choice of trying to wrest possession of a rifle, revolver, or semi-automatic weapon. In tribute to Heston's extensive work with the NRA, and to make things more entertaining for onlookers, all guns will be fully loaded with armor-piercing bullets.
McQuarters said Heston even recorded a series of sound effects to taunt participants who struggle with the prying, including: "Gun control is for Commies and sissies!" "Even dead, I am more of a man than you!" and "Now you know how the Egyptians and Primates felt!"
Protesters will reportedly interrupt their ongoing quest to extinguish the Olympic Torch to picket the activities of the NRA museum.
"It's not so much that we have a major problem with taking guns from a dead guy," said Greenpeace spokesman Moby Softwood, wearing a Nader In '08 T-shirt. "We just like to protest things and we don't have real jobs to go to."
McQuarters responded that if Softwood "or any of his pussy-minded friends" showed up on NRA property there is a standing order to shoot them on sight.
The exhibit is expected to open as soon as Heston's embalming fluid settles.
- Banner Stands» Browse banner stands by Post-Up Stand. Trade Show Displays, Retractable Banner Displays, and more. High quality, 48 hour turnaround time!
- Prom Dresses 2013» Searching for the perfect dress to wear on your big night? Take a look from these styles who top the best-dressed lists all the time!