Wednesday | November 26, 2014
Hillary Defends Hair Stylist's Anti-Men Remarks
Ye Gods! If you had to stare at that in the mirror every morning, wouldn't you go to a hairstylist even if she said some bad words?

PHILADELPHIA (CAP) - Hillary Clinton's uphill climb to the Democratic presidential nomination took a turn for the steeper yesterday after it was revealed that her long-time hair stylist made disparaging remarks against men. Clinton defended her continued visits to the hairdresser even after she learned of the sexist comments.

"This is very personal for me. Some people think getting your hair done is just a game," Clinton told a small crowd in Philadelphia. "It's not just who's cheapest; it's not just who uses Paul Mitchell. It's about looking good for our country. It's about looking good for our kids' futures."

According to other patrons of hair stylist Isabelle Goetz, the comments were made on three separate occasions, and ranged from describing the male gender as "scum" and "dirt" to one time when she reportedly threw her shears down on the counter and declared she was "quitting men forever."

Political pundits have already begun to weigh in on the effect the controversial comments may have on Hillary's presidential hopes. Many say her problems stem not so much from the statements themselves, but from her lack of decisive action and absence of a good cry after the events unfolded.

"What Hillary needs to do is separate herself from the hate, and align herself with men," said CAP political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "It's time to trot Bill out there and let his diarrhea of the mouth take the focus off of her.

"Well, uhh, moreso than he already has, that is," added Reveiz.

Barack Obama supporters who were quick to point out Hillary's continued visits to the embattled beautician also noted that during her last visit, Clinton had her hair colored, which they are taking as a personal affront to their African-American candidate.

"We also have it on good authority that Mrs Clinton paid her Chinese manicurist in soft money," said one Obama staffer who asked not to be identified. "Are those the hands you want picking up the phone at 3am? I think not."

Hillary has reportedly told her campaign workers that if she cannot pull off a giant victory in Pennsylvania's primary on April 22, she will be dropping out of the race and joining the cast of The Vagina Monologues.

- CAP News Staff

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NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «»