Thursday | May 28, 2015
Hillary Defends Hair Stylist's Anti-Men Remarks
Ye Gods! If you had to stare at that in the mirror every morning, wouldn't you go to a hairstylist even if she said some bad words?

PHILADELPHIA (CAP) - Hillary Clinton's uphill climb to the Democratic presidential nomination took a turn for the steeper yesterday after it was revealed that her long-time hair stylist made disparaging remarks against men. Clinton defended her continued visits to the hairdresser even after she learned of the sexist comments.

"This is very personal for me. Some people think getting your hair done is just a game," Clinton told a small crowd in Philadelphia. "It's not just who's cheapest; it's not just who uses Paul Mitchell. It's about looking good for our country. It's about looking good for our kids' futures."

According to other patrons of hair stylist Isabelle Goetz, the comments were made on three separate occasions, and ranged from describing the male gender as "scum" and "dirt" to one time when she reportedly threw her shears down on the counter and declared she was "quitting men forever."

Political pundits have already begun to weigh in on the effect the controversial comments may have on Hillary's presidential hopes. Many say her problems stem not so much from the statements themselves, but from her lack of decisive action and absence of a good cry after the events unfolded.

"What Hillary needs to do is separate herself from the hate, and align herself with men," said CAP political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "It's time to trot Bill out there and let his diarrhea of the mouth take the focus off of her.

"Well, uhh, moreso than he already has, that is," added Reveiz.

Barack Obama supporters who were quick to point out Hillary's continued visits to the embattled beautician also noted that during her last visit, Clinton had her hair colored, which they are taking as a personal affront to their African-American candidate.

"We also have it on good authority that Mrs Clinton paid her Chinese manicurist in soft money," said one Obama staffer who asked not to be identified. "Are those the hands you want picking up the phone at 3am? I think not."

Hillary has reportedly told her campaign workers that if she cannot pull off a giant victory in Pennsylvania's primary on April 22, she will be dropping out of the race and joining the cast of The Vagina Monologues.

- CAP News Staff

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NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» World Trade Organization approves putting 'Country Of Origin' labels on immigrants coming into the US to help Americans better target their discrimination «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «»