Saturday | March 28, 2015
Hillary Defends Hair Stylist's Anti-Men Remarks
Ye Gods! If you had to stare at that in the mirror every morning, wouldn't you go to a hairstylist even if she said some bad words?

PHILADELPHIA (CAP) - Hillary Clinton's uphill climb to the Democratic presidential nomination took a turn for the steeper yesterday after it was revealed that her long-time hair stylist made disparaging remarks against men. Clinton defended her continued visits to the hairdresser even after she learned of the sexist comments.

"This is very personal for me. Some people think getting your hair done is just a game," Clinton told a small crowd in Philadelphia. "It's not just who's cheapest; it's not just who uses Paul Mitchell. It's about looking good for our country. It's about looking good for our kids' futures."

According to other patrons of hair stylist Isabelle Goetz, the comments were made on three separate occasions, and ranged from describing the male gender as "scum" and "dirt" to one time when she reportedly threw her shears down on the counter and declared she was "quitting men forever."

Political pundits have already begun to weigh in on the effect the controversial comments may have on Hillary's presidential hopes. Many say her problems stem not so much from the statements themselves, but from her lack of decisive action and absence of a good cry after the events unfolded.

"What Hillary needs to do is separate herself from the hate, and align herself with men," said CAP political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "It's time to trot Bill out there and let his diarrhea of the mouth take the focus off of her.

"Well, uhh, moreso than he already has, that is," added Reveiz.

Barack Obama supporters who were quick to point out Hillary's continued visits to the embattled beautician also noted that during her last visit, Clinton had her hair colored, which they are taking as a personal affront to their African-American candidate.

"We also have it on good authority that Mrs Clinton paid her Chinese manicurist in soft money," said one Obama staffer who asked not to be identified. "Are those the hands you want picking up the phone at 3am? I think not."

Hillary has reportedly told her campaign workers that if she cannot pull off a giant victory in Pennsylvania's primary on April 22, she will be dropping out of the race and joining the cast of The Vagina Monologues.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Five senior GOP lawmakers charged with hazing after administering swirlies and bare-buttock paddling on the 12 new freshman senators «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»
Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Five senior GOP lawmakers charged with hazing after administering swirlies and bare-buttock paddling on the 12 new freshman senators «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»