ALBANY, NY (CAP) - New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer further stunned a staff rocked by his admitted involvement in a prostitution ring when he informed it late last night that he will embark on a dual career as politician and porn star under the name Eliot Spitzer-Swallows.
Spitzer-Swallows, ushered into Albany under a mantra of self-righteousness, reportedly paid a prostitute named "Kristen" $4,300 for a rendez-vous in Washington last month. Senior staffers confirm that he has hired Kristen as his new political liason. Asked what she could possibly be a liason to, a senior adviser wearily replied of the former Empire State attorney general: "He likes to call it the Mighty Rod of Justice."
Sources say the governor will alternate between the last names depending on his mood and noted: "There can be a lot of money involved with going one way or the other" and his new combined last name shows his "eagerness to please the electorate."
Spitzer-Swallows, who has also embraced his wiretap designation Client No. 9 as an identity that could be popular among his soft-core constituency, as well as the prosecutor-themed Long John Law, also may not be through with his much discussed national political ambitions.
Sources tell CAP News he may consider running for Congress this fall in hopes of turning the District of Columbia into the "District of Red Lights and the Biggest Pair of Blue Balls You've Ever Seen."
Asked at a campaign stop to react to the emerging scandal involving one of her biggest supporters in her adopted home state, Senator Hillary Clinton gave a testy response: "Like I don't get enough of this at home."
Spitzer-Swallows will immediately embark on an advertising campaign to promote his new image. The ads will begin running on Cinemax between 11 p.m. and 4 a.m. as soon as Friday night with the promise of being "hard-hitting" and "very engaging for viewers."
- CAP News Staff