Friday | September 4, 2015
Obama Challenges Clinton To Breakdancing Duel

RENO, Nev. (CAP) - As he campaigned in northern Nevada this week, Barack Obama expressed concern to supporters that recent heated discussions with rival Hillary Clinton could result in splintering the Democratic party. As such, he said he's planning to "turn the tables and take it old school."

"Bring your cardboard, woman, and that busted hair, because we are going to settle this with a break-off," Obama told the crowd at a press conference in Reno. "Two dancers enter, one leaves."

Word of the throwdown reached Clinton as she made a campaign stop at a union-sponsored Martin Luther King Jr. celebration in midtown Manhattan. Audience members said she was clearly shaken, but not so much that she couldn't respond to the challenge.

"I'm way blacker than Obama," an exasperated Clinton said. "He's not even black, he's an Arab. Martin Luther King may have risked his life for black rights, but LBJ did sign a law written by Kennedy, so that was obviously a way bigger deal.

"Way bigger," she added.

As the two presidential hopefuls jockey for the black vote, political pundits note that Barack's challenge to the Bounceback Broad is the first of its nature since the big Mondale-Reagan break-off of 1984. At that time, Ronnie Ron defeated Mo'Money Mondale by a solid 3-0 score.

"It's a fascinating strategy, but I think B-Boy Barack is grossly underestimating the moves of Hillary," noted political consultant James Carvel. "She has been known to pop and lock with the best of them, and nobody does a suicide better than H'dub.

"I mean, are Arabs really good dancers?" Carvel asked.

Obama continued to insist that he is black and even showed off a signed affidavit from Oprah Winfrey asserting him to be 100% black, the signature on which drews ooh's and ahh's from the assembled crowd of reporters.

Kelly, Ozone and Turbo have each agreed to judge the competition should Electro Rock Hill accept the challenge.

- CAP News Staff

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President Obama visits Alaska, vows to reunite cast of 'Northern Exposure' for show's 20th anniversary «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «»