Thursday | November 27, 2014
Obama Challenges Clinton To Breakdancing Duel

RENO, Nev. (CAP) - As he campaigned in northern Nevada this week, Barack Obama expressed concern to supporters that recent heated discussions with rival Hillary Clinton could result in splintering the Democratic party. As such, he said he's planning to "turn the tables and take it old school."

"Bring your cardboard, woman, and that busted hair, because we are going to settle this with a break-off," Obama told the crowd at a press conference in Reno. "Two dancers enter, one leaves."

Word of the throwdown reached Clinton as she made a campaign stop at a union-sponsored Martin Luther King Jr. celebration in midtown Manhattan. Audience members said she was clearly shaken, but not so much that she couldn't respond to the challenge.

"I'm way blacker than Obama," an exasperated Clinton said. "He's not even black, he's an Arab. Martin Luther King may have risked his life for black rights, but LBJ did sign a law written by Kennedy, so that was obviously a way bigger deal.

"Way bigger," she added.

As the two presidential hopefuls jockey for the black vote, political pundits note that Barack's challenge to the Bounceback Broad is the first of its nature since the big Mondale-Reagan break-off of 1984. At that time, Ronnie Ron defeated Mo'Money Mondale by a solid 3-0 score.

"It's a fascinating strategy, but I think B-Boy Barack is grossly underestimating the moves of Hillary," noted political consultant James Carvel. "She has been known to pop and lock with the best of them, and nobody does a suicide better than H'dub.

"I mean, are Arabs really good dancers?" Carvel asked.

Obama continued to insist that he is black and even showed off a signed affidavit from Oprah Winfrey asserting him to be 100% black, the signature on which drews ooh's and ahh's from the assembled crowd of reporters.

Kelly, Ozone and Turbo have each agreed to judge the competition should Electro Rock Hill accept the challenge.

- CAP News Staff

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Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «»