Tuesday | April 28, 2015
Obama Challenges Clinton To Breakdancing Duel

RENO, Nev. (CAP) - As he campaigned in northern Nevada this week, Barack Obama expressed concern to supporters that recent heated discussions with rival Hillary Clinton could result in splintering the Democratic party. As such, he said he's planning to "turn the tables and take it old school."

"Bring your cardboard, woman, and that busted hair, because we are going to settle this with a break-off," Obama told the crowd at a press conference in Reno. "Two dancers enter, one leaves."

Word of the throwdown reached Clinton as she made a campaign stop at a union-sponsored Martin Luther King Jr. celebration in midtown Manhattan. Audience members said she was clearly shaken, but not so much that she couldn't respond to the challenge.

"I'm way blacker than Obama," an exasperated Clinton said. "He's not even black, he's an Arab. Martin Luther King may have risked his life for black rights, but LBJ did sign a law written by Kennedy, so that was obviously a way bigger deal.

"Way bigger," she added.

As the two presidential hopefuls jockey for the black vote, political pundits note that Barack's challenge to the Bounceback Broad is the first of its nature since the big Mondale-Reagan break-off of 1984. At that time, Ronnie Ron defeated Mo'Money Mondale by a solid 3-0 score.

"It's a fascinating strategy, but I think B-Boy Barack is grossly underestimating the moves of Hillary," noted political consultant James Carvel. "She has been known to pop and lock with the best of them, and nobody does a suicide better than H'dub.

"I mean, are Arabs really good dancers?" Carvel asked.

Obama continued to insist that he is black and even showed off a signed affidavit from Oprah Winfrey asserting him to be 100% black, the signature on which drews ooh's and ahh's from the assembled crowd of reporters.

Kelly, Ozone and Turbo have each agreed to judge the competition should Electro Rock Hill accept the challenge.

- CAP News Staff

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Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Massachusetts court upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «»