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Angelina Jolie To Adopt Spears Children
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - A spokesperson for Angelina Jolie has confirmed that the world-class actress is indeed in negotiations to adopt the two estranged children of Britney Spears. The adoption could go through as early as next month.
"I've saved children all over the world from the worst conditions imaginable," Jolie told CAP News during a phone interview while house hunting in the South of France. "I can think of no two children worse off than Sean Preston and Jayden James. Bless their little hearts."
Hollywood pundits agree that the pending adoption of the Spears brood is the logical next step for the Pitt-Jolie clan. Celebrity blogger Mario Lavandeira of the gossip website perezhilton.com said such a move wouldn't have made sense five years ago, but "Spears has shot past Jolie on the crazy meter by at least 15 miles."
"Well, they're not black, but they are underprivileged," Lavandeira said of the two new adoptees. "At least now they'll have someone who can give them those extras they've been missing - you know, riding in a carseat, having their teeth brushed, that sort of thing."
When CAP News caught up with Jolie husband Brad Pitt outside a packie in Burbank, Calif., he expressed surprise at the news that his family would soon be growing by two. Of course, he also seemed surprised to learn that America is at war, camouflage is not a color, and the moon is not made of cheese.
Father of the children, Kevin Federline, confirmed such a deal is in the works, but was quick to note, "that skinny bitch is gonna have to pony up some green to get the results of my baby batter!"
Spears herself could not be reached for comment as her publicist claimed she has the flu. However, CAP News sources in Los Angeles later reported seeing the pop tart in a tube top, capris, goggles and an oven mitt while walking through the Taco Bell drive-thru on Ventura Blvd.