Wednesday | January 28, 2015
Bitching, Moaning Up Considerably, Study Shows
UMass Boston researchers present their findings to the CAP News staff during a recent Lunch n Learn.

BOSTON, Mass. (CAP) - Researchers at the University of Massachusetts in Boston have released the findings of this year's study on human attitude management. The results show both bitching and moaning up a considerable amount over last year's survey, while moaning with associated pissing is down slightly.

"People just have more to complain about these days," said lead researcher Dr. Rex Lucent. "And with the advent of internet-based technologies, they also have more means by which to do that complaining.

"We've really entered a new age of bitching and moaning," Lucent added.

The six-month study involved interviews with and observation of 756 people and focused on six high-profile methods of complaining: grumbling, whining, bitching, pissing, moaning and groaning. Social psychologists said the results continue to follow yearly predictable trends.

"Back in the '70s, we whined about things. And then in the '80s, we got kinda bitchy," said psychologist Dr. Lars Nelson. "But by the time Clinton took office, we began complaining so much we had to combine methods. Since then it's been a constant battle to see what goes best with moaning."

The study also broke down some of the top areas of complaining, the list of which was topped for the tenth straight year by the weather. "It doesn't matter what time of year it is or where in the country you're located, all people do is complain about the weather," said Lucent. Other high-volume topics included spam email, traffic, reality TV, and "people who just don't get it." And while one subject has been noticeably absent from the list for a few years, another is taking its place.

"Back when President Bush was in office, he was consistently number one," said Lucent. "In fact, we had to more or less retire him to our little honorary hall of fame because he was so far off the top of the charts that it skewed the rest of the results.

"But now President Obama is rapidly climbing toward the top," Lucent added. "For his sake, it's good to see him doing well in some sort of poll, even if it's about how bad people think he's doing."

According to the study, so-called online "social networks" have taken over as the number one vehicle for complaining. Instant messaging in the corporate setting remains a close second, while texting enters the list for the first time at number three. The telephone, once a staple of the complainer, fell to a distant eighth.

The study will be published in the next issue of the journal American Behavioral Scientist.

- CAP News Staff

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President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» American comedians announce indefinite hiatus on "smelly Frenchman" jokes to give nation time to heal, will heckle Portuguese instead «» U.S. State Department denies it is behind putting glue on Kim Jong-un's toilet seat, where he was stuck for nine hours yesterday «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «»