Monday | November 24, 2014
Bill Murray Drunken Dash Practice For John Daly Role

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (CAP) - Rumors have been swirling around Bill Murray since his arrest here recently on a suspicion of driving a golf cart under the influence. Would the aging SNL alum be the next celeb to succumb to the temptations of drink and drugs?

"At the time I had signed this non-disclosure thing, so I really couldn't talk about it," Murray recently told CAP News entertainment reporter Consuelo Jones. "But since you and other members of the press know about it, I guess the cat's out of the bag.

"So, yes, I was pretty shit-faced, but it was all research for an upcoming role."

The role Bill Murray is preparing for is that of perpetually inebriated tee-totaller John Daly in the upcoming TNT bio-pic, Shaky Putts: The John Daly Story. Ever the consummate method actor, Murray has thrown himself into preparing for the role with a series of incidents over the past couple of months involving both golfing and Jack Daniels.

In addition to the Stockholm golf cart situation, he has been tossed from Augusta for urinating on the 14th green, banned from St. Andrews for skinny-dipping in a water hazard, and under investigation by US Homeland Security for attempting to purchase plastic explosives to blow up "varmint poontang" at Scottsdale's Dove Valley Ranch.

"Look, I'm just taking an interpretive approach to John's life, getting smashed, grabbing a putter and seeing what happens," Murray said as he ripped up his score card on the 8th hole at Foxwood's Lake of Isles. "It's a Cinderella story out of nowhere, but only if like, Lindsay Lohan was playing Cinderella, I guess."

Shaky Putts begins filming later this year. Meanwhile, the Stockholm Police Department has still not said whether it intends to pursue criminal charges against the actor, but it has impounded the golf cart involved in the incident and plans on building a museum and Drunken Rambling Stockholm Golf Cart Tour around the incident.

"Are you kidding me? This is kafargin Sweden," said a source deep within the Swedish Tourism Council. "We've got the Abba-themed disco roller rink, and now this. It's very exciting!"

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

SHARE STORY
MORE showbiz NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «»
CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «»