Monday | December 22, 2014
Bill Murray Drunken Dash Practice For John Daly Role

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (CAP) - Rumors have been swirling around Bill Murray since his arrest here recently on a suspicion of driving a golf cart under the influence. Would the aging SNL alum be the next celeb to succumb to the temptations of drink and drugs?

"At the time I had signed this non-disclosure thing, so I really couldn't talk about it," Murray recently told CAP News entertainment reporter Consuelo Jones. "But since you and other members of the press know about it, I guess the cat's out of the bag.

"So, yes, I was pretty shit-faced, but it was all research for an upcoming role."

The role Bill Murray is preparing for is that of perpetually inebriated tee-totaller John Daly in the upcoming TNT bio-pic, Shaky Putts: The John Daly Story. Ever the consummate method actor, Murray has thrown himself into preparing for the role with a series of incidents over the past couple of months involving both golfing and Jack Daniels.

In addition to the Stockholm golf cart situation, he has been tossed from Augusta for urinating on the 14th green, banned from St. Andrews for skinny-dipping in a water hazard, and under investigation by US Homeland Security for attempting to purchase plastic explosives to blow up "varmint poontang" at Scottsdale's Dove Valley Ranch.

"Look, I'm just taking an interpretive approach to John's life, getting smashed, grabbing a putter and seeing what happens," Murray said as he ripped up his score card on the 8th hole at Foxwood's Lake of Isles. "It's a Cinderella story out of nowhere, but only if like, Lindsay Lohan was playing Cinderella, I guess."

Shaky Putts begins filming later this year. Meanwhile, the Stockholm Police Department has still not said whether it intends to pursue criminal charges against the actor, but it has impounded the golf cart involved in the incident and plans on building a museum and Drunken Rambling Stockholm Golf Cart Tour around the incident.

"Are you kidding me? This is kafargin Sweden," said a source deep within the Swedish Tourism Council. "We've got the Abba-themed disco roller rink, and now this. It's very exciting!"

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

SHARE STORY
MORE showbiz NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» UPS seeks volunteers to celebrate Christmas on Saturday to buy themselves some wiggle room for delivering packages, says they would "really appreciate it" «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «»
Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» UPS seeks volunteers to celebrate Christmas on Saturday to buy themselves some wiggle room for delivering packages, says they would "really appreciate it" «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «»