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HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Actor Owen Wilson will not be headed to Hell just yet to burn in eternal damnation after he and Satan came to an agreement on a new deal late last week. Wilson's current seven-year contract with the Devil was due to expire at the end of the month but has been extended for an undisclosed amount of time.
"Owen was really looking for the stability of a long-term deal, but as they say - the Devil's in the details," said Wilson's agent, Lisa Hallerman. "I guess he's lucky he got anything, considering he almost lost everything."
According to Hallerman, when Satan declined to pick up Wilson's two-year option, the 38-year-old actor took it pretty hard. She would not confirm whether Wilson's recent failed suicide attempt was the direct result of some difficult negotiations with the Devil or just an elaborate plot to overthrow the Baldwins.
"You hate see something like that happen - he's a good kid. It was just business," said Satan in a phone interview with CAP News. "I felt he was asking too much. A movie star, sure. Kate Hudson? It was a stretch, but fine.
"I don't think these people who sell me their souls realize how much work I put in," Satan added.
Exact terms of the deal were not released, but Satan confirmed that Wilson will continue his success as the least attractive leading man of all time, and will still be able to sleep with top notch Hollywood starlets.
However, Satan said an Academy Award remains "out of the question," and he refused to entertain the notion of Wedding Crashers 2 being anything but a flop. Wilson's request to no longer be called "the ugly Wilson brother" was also denied outright.
Satan said other contracts up for renewal include Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Pauly Shore.