Friday | May 22, 2015
Tony Blair To Head Halliburton's Dubai Operations
Blair sports the new Halliburton employee uniform.

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (CAP) - Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly accepted an offer from Halliburton Energy Services to oversee the company's new Dubai headquarters. He will begin his role as President and Chief War Profiteer later this year.

"As CEO, I'm responsible for the global business of Halliburton in both hemispheres," said chief executive Dave Lesar as he announced the addition of Blair. "As CWP, Tony will be responsible for overseeing the billions of dollars that have been pilfered from the American people for the lost cause that is Iraq."

Political bloggers have already begun questioning the appointment, naturally assuming the position would have been held open for Vice President Dick Cheney after he leaves office in 2009. The topic dominated backroom conversations during the recent YearlyKos convention in Chicago.

"Oh, sure, this has nothing to do with Blair's staunch support of former, err, holy crap he's still the President George Bush," said dailykos.com founder Markos Moulitsas. "But if they need a fall guy, you know Mini Me's the man - and I don't mean in a good, Lee Majors sort of way, either."

A spokesperson for Tony Blair confirmed Moulitsas' assertion that the former PM is only being put into place to shift blame should President Bush's poll numbers drop into the negatives. CAP News was unable to speak directly with the new Halliburton employee.

"Mr. Blair can't speak with you right now because he is busy flogging a servant boy who didn't properly peel his grapes," said Blair spokesperson Wendy McKnight. "But he did want me to tell you that he is extremely pleased with the new career move and that, quote, you wankers can kiss my incredibly well paid ass, end quote."

Other candidates reportedly up for the position of Chief War Profiteer at Halliburton were Colin Powell and Fox News' Bill O'Reilly.

- CAP News Staff

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