Thursday | July 2, 2015
Clinton Allocates Campaign Funds For Breast Augmentation
Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign has also begun selling sets of special edition silicone gel breast implants to try to attract the donors.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - US Senator Hillary Clinton has laid out her first quarter spending plans after revealing that her 2008 presidential campaign had raised $36 million thus far. Among those plans are $2 million in TV and web advertising, $1.1 million worth of outside consultants, and $500,000 for breast enhancement surgery.

"There cannot be true democracy unless women's voices are heard," Clinton told supporters at a rally in Hampton, NH. "And in America, women's voices cannot be heard unless their breasts can be seen.

"Politics is a dirty old man's game," said Clinton to increasing applause. "And ladies and gentlemen, I am going to play that game."

According to campaign reports filed with the Federal Election Commission, Clinton plans to undergo transaxillary surgery next week at New York Presbyterian Hospital to increase her breast size from 34B to 36D. Critics are questioning if this is how donors intended for their money to be spent.

"Ask not what Hillary can do for you, but what you can do for Hillary's breasts?" asked Sen. Barack Obama when he heard the news. "What's next, a penile enlargement for me? Well, not that I need one, I'm just saying."

Political pundits are falling on both sides of the issue, with proponents saying that the first woman to be elected president will likely have to take some unusual steps in order to get both of her messages across. Others have wondered why Clinton has earmarked so much money for a surgery that typically runs about $10,000.

"Well, you know if there are any optional packages offered as part of the enhancement, likely Bill would scoop up everything available," said close Clinton family friend Capricia Marshall.

Clinton has already received endorsements from Swank Magazine, Hooters Restaurants, and 18- to 24-year-old men.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «»
Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «»