Monday | November 24, 2014
Clinton Allocates Campaign Funds For Breast Augmentation
Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign has also begun selling sets of special edition silicone gel breast implants to try to attract the donors.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - US Senator Hillary Clinton has laid out her first quarter spending plans after revealing that her 2008 presidential campaign had raised $36 million thus far. Among those plans are $2 million in TV and web advertising, $1.1 million worth of outside consultants, and $500,000 for breast enhancement surgery.

"There cannot be true democracy unless women's voices are heard," Clinton told supporters at a rally in Hampton, NH. "And in America, women's voices cannot be heard unless their breasts can be seen.

"Politics is a dirty old man's game," said Clinton to increasing applause. "And ladies and gentlemen, I am going to play that game."

According to campaign reports filed with the Federal Election Commission, Clinton plans to undergo transaxillary surgery next week at New York Presbyterian Hospital to increase her breast size from 34B to 36D. Critics are questioning if this is how donors intended for their money to be spent.

"Ask not what Hillary can do for you, but what you can do for Hillary's breasts?" asked Sen. Barack Obama when he heard the news. "What's next, a penile enlargement for me? Well, not that I need one, I'm just saying."

Political pundits are falling on both sides of the issue, with proponents saying that the first woman to be elected president will likely have to take some unusual steps in order to get both of her messages across. Others have wondered why Clinton has earmarked so much money for a surgery that typically runs about $10,000.

"Well, you know if there are any optional packages offered as part of the enhancement, likely Bill would scoop up everything available," said close Clinton family friend Capricia Marshall.

Clinton has already received endorsements from Swank Magazine, Hooters Restaurants, and 18- to 24-year-old men.

- CAP News Staff

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NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «»