Saturday | April 25, 2015
Clinton Allocates Campaign Funds For Breast Augmentation
Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign has also begun selling sets of special edition silicone gel breast implants to try to attract the donors.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - US Senator Hillary Clinton has laid out her first quarter spending plans after revealing that her 2008 presidential campaign had raised $36 million thus far. Among those plans are $2 million in TV and web advertising, $1.1 million worth of outside consultants, and $500,000 for breast enhancement surgery.

"There cannot be true democracy unless women's voices are heard," Clinton told supporters at a rally in Hampton, NH. "And in America, women's voices cannot be heard unless their breasts can be seen.

"Politics is a dirty old man's game," said Clinton to increasing applause. "And ladies and gentlemen, I am going to play that game."

According to campaign reports filed with the Federal Election Commission, Clinton plans to undergo transaxillary surgery next week at New York Presbyterian Hospital to increase her breast size from 34B to 36D. Critics are questioning if this is how donors intended for their money to be spent.

"Ask not what Hillary can do for you, but what you can do for Hillary's breasts?" asked Sen. Barack Obama when he heard the news. "What's next, a penile enlargement for me? Well, not that I need one, I'm just saying."

Political pundits are falling on both sides of the issue, with proponents saying that the first woman to be elected president will likely have to take some unusual steps in order to get both of her messages across. Others have wondered why Clinton has earmarked so much money for a surgery that typically runs about $10,000.

"Well, you know if there are any optional packages offered as part of the enhancement, likely Bill would scoop up everything available," said close Clinton family friend Capricia Marshall.

Clinton has already received endorsements from Swank Magazine, Hooters Restaurants, and 18- to 24-year-old men.

- CAP News Staff

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Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Massachusetts court upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «»