Sunday | December 21, 2014
FDA Issues Virtual Pet Food Recall
Some of the foods recalled include Spiked Dariberry, Asparacone, Kyrii related baked goods, and that thing that looks like a cow stomach.

SILVER SPRING, Md. (CAP) - A rash of unexplained virtual pet deaths has led the Food and Drug Administration to announce a recall of almost all Marada and Neopian pet foods. Early indications are that upwards of 4,000 virtual pet deaths may be the result of tainted food.

"We're still in the early stages of this investigation," said FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg. "We've created accounts on both Neopets and Marapets and will be trying to ascertain the correlation between the virtual deaths and the virtual food."

Hamburg said if the FDA is able to draw such a connection, she hopes the investigation will also uncover the source of the tainted food and freeze the accounts of those reponsible.

Rumors that a rogue group of NeoPets users poisoned the food in an attempt to knock the Marapets site offline have surfaced but have not yet been confirmed.

Message boards were abuzz with the news as pet owners found themselves faced with the difficult choice between watching their pet's health decline from lack of food and taking the chance that their next meal could be their last.

Some owners were reportedly testing questionable Merifoods on their Petpets before allowing their NeoPets to eat it.

"MARAPETZ IS A WANNABE NEOPETS!!!!! LOL," wrote one message board poster. "IF tHE n00bishpeople gothacked when i had akoi and jetsam 2 than muchmore cute and NOT ugly as hell, they WILL DIE."

Government translators have been called to aid in the investigation, but so far have been unable to decipher any messages posted by anyone under 16 years of age. Site owners have been fully cooperative in the situation thus far.

While FDA investigators have not yet expanded the recall to include Petnebula, Subeta, or Webkinz, they are warning Webkinz owners to avoid feeding their pets any combination of Gunk as the resulting symptoms could be indistinguishable from those of the tainted food.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE health NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «»
New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «»