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WASHINGTON (CAP) - In the wake of news that socialite Paris Hilton may be headed for prison for violating her probation comes word that she could be exonerated and serve no time. The White House has confirmed that President Bush plans to offer the hotel heiress a full presidential pardon.
"Last night when I tucked the president in, he said he just wanted to sleep on it," White House Press Secretary Tony Snow told reporters. "And then this morning before he even finished his first bowl of Froot Loops he said it was a done deal."
Hilton's spokesperson, Elliot Mintz, said Paris' reaction to the news was pretty standard for the actress, "including a blank stare, a few nonsensical words, and a smile not unlike that of a baby who has gas.
"Then she asked me if anyone else was being invited to her presidential party," said Mintz.
In January, Hilton pleaded no-contest to alcohol-related reckless driving and was sentenced to three years probation. Then in late February she was ticketed for driving with a suspended license after police stopped her for "driving with her lights off, so to speak."
"When she was pulled over, she claimed she didn't know her license had been suspended," said prosecutor Rocky Delgadillo. "Of course, she also claimed she didn't know her boobs were fake, and I mean, come on. They still had the price tag on 'em, for crying out loud."
Bush's pardon of Paris marks his first since giving the nod to turkeys Flyer and Fryer just before last Thanksgiving. Other pardons during his tenure include convicted moonshiner Randall Leece Deal, admitted JR Ewing gunman Kristin Shepard, and himself for the mess in Iraq.