Friday | March 29, 2024
All Republicans Declare Their Candidacy For President

WASHINGTON (CAP) - The Republican National Committee has announced that all Republicans holding either a congressional or gubernatorial position are running for the office of president in 2008. That puts 273 entries on the Republican ballot for the 2008 primaries.

"You know, rather than nickel-and-diming with a couple announcements here and a couple announcements there, we might as well just put all the cards on the table," said Republican Party General Chairman Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL). "The fact is, we're all running for president."

As political pundits scrambled to make sense of the move, Democratic officials scoured election manuals and guides to see if the Republicans could be called for delay of game for having too many men on the field. Their approach comes after Mark Foley was penalized for illegal use of the hands and blocking below the waist.

"This is not meant to be an indictment of how we think President Bush is doing at his job," said Sen. Norm Coleman (R-MN). "Rather, this is recognition of how many old white guys it's gonna take to beat a black man and a woman."

Election officials report that the ostentatious move by the Republicans could cost taxpayers millions of dollars due to the need to reprint ballots with a much smaller font size. There are also concerns that none of the government-designed computer ballot systems will be able to handle a three-digit list of nominees.

"Leave it to the Republicans to be a bunch of wise asses and cost this country a ton of money," said Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV). "We already made a peace offering by keeping [Sen. John] Kerry out of the race; you'd think they could reciprocate."

New Hampshire TV station WMUR is reportedly planning a Survivor-like approach to next year's first presidential debate, with senators and governors facing off with House members in a number of physical and social challenges. The winner will be the one who can actually withstand 39 straight days in the company of all the other Republicans without fleeing the state.

- CAP News Staff

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