Friday | April 25, 2014
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@JimInhofe #GovernmentBaleOuts
A couple pro-pitchfork activists fight anti-pitchfork legislation during a recent rally in Washington, DC.
FROM THE VAULT
April 22, 2009
Liberal Gun-Hoarding On The RiseLiberal Gun-Hoarding On The Rise
Fake Advertisement

HOLLYWOOD

President Bush Gets Late Oscar Nod For "State Of The Union"

President Bush Gets Late Oscar Nod For 'State Of The Union'
Academy officials prepare to announce the addition of George W Bush to the Best Actor nominations.

BEVERLY HILLS (CAP) - President George W. Bush has received an Oscar nomination for best performance by an actor in a leading role for his work in State Of The Union. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences announced the late addition to the list of nominees last night.

"We understand this falls outside the normal process for nominations," said Academy spokesperson Harlan Leavitt, "but his performance was so absolutely stunning, we just couldn't let the opportunity pass to recognize that."

Bush's Oscar nod becomes the first for a sitting president and expands a political landscape that already features Al Gore's nomination for his documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. Pundits say the President could "clean up" at the Academy Awards.

"All that talk about reaching across the aisle, and the fantastic solutions for health care, energy and education - I absolutely believed it all," said former Hollywood Reporter editorial director Scoop Burns. "I haven't seen a performance that convincing since I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman in 1998."

Academy regulations dictate that each category only have five nominees, so in order to allow for the addition of President Bush to the Best Actor field, one of the other nominees had to be removed. The Academy was quick to rescind Leonardo DiCaprio's nomination for Blood Diamond to make room.

"Oh, yeah, Leo - we were just kidding anyway," said Leavitt. "You know, we do that now and then, throw someone in there who doesn't stand a snowball's chance of winning. Spices it up a bit. Gets people talking."

Leavitt would not confirm a report that the Academy received a phone call from Vice President Cheney seeking a nomination for best performance in a supporting role. All Leavitt would say is, "He's not acting. Nor is he supporting, really."


- CAP News Staff

MORE showbiz NEWS
Fake Advertisement


Advertise Here

    ALL MATERIAL IS

    SATIRE

    AND ©2005-2014 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
    NBC confirms that Today co-host Matt Lauer will not be hosting the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Sochi and instead will hand the reins to LL Cool J. "LL killed it at the Grammys and Matt's just gone stale," said one network executive. "Dude's like a black Ryan Seacrest, except funny." «» Chinese TV officials are reportedly thrilled to bring "hot lesbian action" to their people when that country begins airing The Ellen DeGeneres Show. "America love lesbians, so China need to see what fuss is all about," said a spokesperson. "If this work, next maybe we try show with black person." «» Fresh off her rousing rendition of Make New Friends at the Golden Globes, actress Diane Keaton has announced she will be recording a collection of creepy children's favorites. Entitled Lullabyes For Serial Killers, the album features Keaton putting original Brothers Grimm fairy tales to song after getting herself liquored up. «» Justin Bieber has clarified the confusion surrounding his supposed retirement tweet, saying that he meant he was retiring for the night, not from music. "I had just learned this new vocabulary word, yo, and wanted to use it," he said. "Retire also means go to bed - how wack is that?" «» Jewish activists are outraged over anti-gay remarks made by Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, saying they feel slighted at being left out of his diatribe. "Oy, look at all the sympathy gays are getting because of this," said one Jewish leader. "We Jews could use a little of that!" «» Electronic music star Moby is soliciting fans to create songs for his new album so he can produce an album made entirely of songs created by his fans. "It'll be the easiest album I ever make," he said. "I may even let them each download a couple tracks for free." «» Eclectic singer Lady Gaga has admitted to CAP News that while the applause is indeed a fantastic motivator, she also lives for the paycheck. "Clapping alone does not millions of dollars make," Gaga said. "Little monsters emptying daddy's wallet to come see me prance around in outrageously expensive outfits does." «» Legendary rocker John Oates has been elected into the Freeloaders Hall Of Fame for "a decade of service riding Darryl Hall's coattails to six #1 songs" and nine more Top 10 hits. Oates joins the likes of Andrew Ridgely, Jim Messina and Art Garfunkel in being elected unanimously by judges. «» Esquire magazine has named actress Scarlett Johansson their Sexiest Photoshopped Woman for 2013, beating 2012 winner Mila Kunis. "We airbrushed a whole bunch of women and Scarlett came out the best," said editor David Granger. "You should have seen what I did with my Aunt Mildred - so long, liver spots!" «» Seventeen people were arrested yesterday during the premiere of the new Grand Theft Auto reality show, GTA: 25 To Life. While the winner is the last one to avoid being arrested, producers say with only eight contestants left after the first episode, the series may not run a full season. «»
    NBC confirms that Today co-host Matt Lauer will not be hosting the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Sochi and instead will hand the reins to LL Cool J. "LL killed it at the Grammys and Matt's just gone stale," said one network executive. "Dude's like a black Ryan Seacrest, except funny." «» Chinese TV officials are reportedly thrilled to bring "hot lesbian action" to their people when that country begins airing The Ellen DeGeneres Show. "America love lesbians, so China need to see what fuss is all about," said a spokesperson. "If this work, next maybe we try show with black person." «» Fresh off her rousing rendition of Make New Friends at the Golden Globes, actress Diane Keaton has announced she will be recording a collection of creepy children's favorites. Entitled Lullabyes For Serial Killers, the album features Keaton putting original Brothers Grimm fairy tales to song after getting herself liquored up. «» Justin Bieber has clarified the confusion surrounding his supposed retirement tweet, saying that he meant he was retiring for the night, not from music. "I had just learned this new vocabulary word, yo, and wanted to use it," he said. "Retire also means go to bed - how wack is that?" «» Jewish activists are outraged over anti-gay remarks made by Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, saying they feel slighted at being left out of his diatribe. "Oy, look at all the sympathy gays are getting because of this," said one Jewish leader. "We Jews could use a little of that!" «» Electronic music star Moby is soliciting fans to create songs for his new album so he can produce an album made entirely of songs created by his fans. "It'll be the easiest album I ever make," he said. "I may even let them each download a couple tracks for free." «» Eclectic singer Lady Gaga has admitted to CAP News that while the applause is indeed a fantastic motivator, she also lives for the paycheck. "Clapping alone does not millions of dollars make," Gaga said. "Little monsters emptying daddy's wallet to come see me prance around in outrageously expensive outfits does." «» Legendary rocker John Oates has been elected into the Freeloaders Hall Of Fame for "a decade of service riding Darryl Hall's coattails to six #1 songs" and nine more Top 10 hits. Oates joins the likes of Andrew Ridgely, Jim Messina and Art Garfunkel in being elected unanimously by judges. «» Esquire magazine has named actress Scarlett Johansson their Sexiest Photoshopped Woman for 2013, beating 2012 winner Mila Kunis. "We airbrushed a whole bunch of women and Scarlett came out the best," said editor David Granger. "You should have seen what I did with my Aunt Mildred - so long, liver spots!" «» Seventeen people were arrested yesterday during the premiere of the new Grand Theft Auto reality show, GTA: 25 To Life. While the winner is the last one to avoid being arrested, producers say with only eight contestants left after the first episode, the series may not run a full season. «»