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Democrats Acknowledge 'House A Homo' Agenda
WASHINGTON (CAP) - Weary Republicans desperate to find a chink in the Democratic armor before the upcoming elections are turning their focus to that party's hidden homosexual agenda. Not only are the Democrats not denying such an agenda, they are in fact embracing it.
"Yes, Democrats love gays," said Rep. Alan Mollohan (D-WV) when confronted by the press outside the House chambers. "In fact, most of us are gay. Now, if you'll excuse me, that last vote took a lot out of [Rep.] Dennis [Moore], and he could really use a back rub."
Code-named "House A Homo", the Democratic plan details a concerted effort to replace at least 15 incumbent Republicans with homosexual Democrats, thereby ensuring not only control of the House, but nice drapes as well.
Colgate political studies professor Harold Arnold said if the homosexual push is successful, it could create a deeper crevasse between the two political parties.
"If this works, 'breaking with party ranks' won't just mean voting for the other side," said Arnold, "it'll mean playing for the other team."
Outgoing Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN) denied published reports that his departure was due in part to the newly uncovered Democratic agenda in the other chamber of Congress. However, he said he's glad he's getting out "before the commencement of Gay Fest 2006."
"What if they win? What then? Everyone knows all gays do is have sex with each other; what're they gonna get done?" said Frist to no one in particular. "Frankly, I prefer the old method of getting screwed by a politician: with politics."
The Democratic gameplan has been endorsed by the Senate Lesbians for a Unilateral Three-way. Members of SLUT also recently lobbied in support of the 'Stroke A Senator' effort.
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