Sunday | March 1, 2015
Retailers Launch Line Of Terrorist Clothing

MALL OF AMERICA, Minn. (CAP) - Seeking to bring a dose of American capitalism to 11th century Arab culture, a retail conglomerate - including Spencer Gifts, Fred's Threads and Federated Department Stores - plans to soon unveil the "Hezbollah and Herzbollah" matching designer collection.

The line will feature clothing and accessories for the modern, on-the-go terrorist family.

"Gone are the days when terrorism was all about a bunch of bearded 20-year-old men spending their time plotting to blow up icons of Western Civilization simply to surpress their latent homosexual tendencies," said fashion designer Michael Kors.

"Killing innocent Jews and Christians has gone mainstream and gosh darnit if we are not going to hop on our dingy and ride along," Kors added with a giggle.

Included in the collection are the charm bracelet that doubles as a remote roadside explosive detonation device, the stylish leather backpack perfectly tailored to propel medium-range missiles and the "Hezbollah and Herzbollah" 100 percent worsted wool suit separates that keep you both stylish and inconspicuous during that well-planned suicide bombing.

The collection should be in stores in time for the Christmas, Hannukah and Ramadan shopping seasons.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE business NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Porn website '2 Fat Chicks And A Concrete Barrel' files lawsuit against Black Lives Matter for trademark infringement following highway protest in Boston «» Welfare recipients throughout the country are protesting increases to the minimum wage, saying "it's not fair" for states to make it so enticing for them to try to find jobs «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» FCC rules Internet providers must stream all porn at the same speed, whether it's hot babes or skanky ho's «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» President Obama urging Americans to take part in the Homeland Security magazine drive to help fund the country's anti-terrorism efforts after the department's budget runs out this Friday «» Ashton Kutcher says he's honored but confused why President Obama would appoint him the next Defense Secretary, but is glad to have something lined up now that 'Two And A Half Men' is over «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «»
Porn website '2 Fat Chicks And A Concrete Barrel' files lawsuit against Black Lives Matter for trademark infringement following highway protest in Boston «» Welfare recipients throughout the country are protesting increases to the minimum wage, saying "it's not fair" for states to make it so enticing for them to try to find jobs «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» FCC rules Internet providers must stream all porn at the same speed, whether it's hot babes or skanky ho's «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» President Obama urging Americans to take part in the Homeland Security magazine drive to help fund the country's anti-terrorism efforts after the department's budget runs out this Friday «» Ashton Kutcher says he's honored but confused why President Obama would appoint him the next Defense Secretary, but is glad to have something lined up now that 'Two And A Half Men' is over «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «»