Saturday | May 28, 2016
Retailers Launch Line Of Terrorist Clothing

MALL OF AMERICA, Minn. (CAP) - Seeking to bring a dose of American capitalism to 11th century Arab culture, a retail conglomerate - including Spencer Gifts, Fred's Threads and Federated Department Stores - plans to soon unveil the "Hezbollah and Herzbollah" matching designer collection.

The line will feature clothing and accessories for the modern, on-the-go terrorist family.

"Gone are the days when terrorism was all about a bunch of bearded 20-year-old men spending their time plotting to blow up icons of Western Civilization simply to surpress their latent homosexual tendencies," said fashion designer Michael Kors.

"Killing innocent Jews and Christians has gone mainstream and gosh darnit if we are not going to hop on our dingy and ride along," Kors added with a giggle.

Included in the collection are the charm bracelet that doubles as a remote roadside explosive detonation device, the stylish leather backpack perfectly tailored to propel medium-range missiles and the "Hezbollah and Herzbollah" 100 percent worsted wool suit separates that keep you both stylish and inconspicuous during that well-planned suicide bombing.

The collection should be in stores in time for the Christmas, Hannukah and Ramadan shopping seasons.

- CAP News Staff

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