Friday | April 24, 2015
Bush Finally Agrees To Address NAMBLA
President Bush announces the recipient of the 2006 Michael Jackson NAMBLA Man Of The Year award at the group's recent conference.

JAMAICA, NY (CAP) - With a toast of champagne to the men and a tip of the hat to the boys, George W. Bush became the first sitting president to speak at the annual convention of the North American Man-Boy Love Association. Members hope he's not the last.

"After the President finally gave in to the NAACP, the phones rang off the hook," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. "OSHA, PETA, RIF - but we decided to start with NAMBLA. President Bush loves the kids - he'd do anything for them."

During the speech, President Bush outlined his "No child from behind" initiative and said he would seek federal funding for the group to make up for its 2007 budget shortfall. Bush noted that while membership has been down in past years, recent advances on the internet should help them make up ground quickly.

Bush also lamented the fact that he never had a son, and said he wished groups like NAMBLA existed when he was a boy seeking direction in his life.

"We as a society worry every day who's keeping an eye on our children," President Bush told the crowd before leading them in a rendition of Camptown Races. "You are. You are watching out for them. And for that, I say thank you."

Members extended an offer to Bush to join them in this week-end's campout at Juniper Woods in the Catskills. However, the President declined, saying he had a brush-clearing ceremony to oversee at his ranch in Crawford, Tex.

- CAP News Staff

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Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Massachusetts court upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «»