Saturday | December 20, 2014
Bush Finally Agrees To Address NAMBLA
President Bush announces the recipient of the 2006 Michael Jackson NAMBLA Man Of The Year award at the group's recent conference.

JAMAICA, NY (CAP) - With a toast of champagne to the men and a tip of the hat to the boys, George W. Bush became the first sitting president to speak at the annual convention of the North American Man-Boy Love Association. Members hope he's not the last.

"After the President finally gave in to the NAACP, the phones rang off the hook," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. "OSHA, PETA, RIF - but we decided to start with NAMBLA. President Bush loves the kids - he'd do anything for them."

During the speech, President Bush outlined his "No child from behind" initiative and said he would seek federal funding for the group to make up for its 2007 budget shortfall. Bush noted that while membership has been down in past years, recent advances on the internet should help them make up ground quickly.

Bush also lamented the fact that he never had a son, and said he wished groups like NAMBLA existed when he was a boy seeking direction in his life.

"We as a society worry every day who's keeping an eye on our children," President Bush told the crowd before leading them in a rendition of Camptown Races. "You are. You are watching out for them. And for that, I say thank you."

Members extended an offer to Bush to join them in this week-end's campout at Juniper Woods in the Catskills. However, the President declined, saying he had a brush-clearing ceremony to oversee at his ranch in Crawford, Tex.

- CAP News Staff

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Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «» Speaker of the House John Boehner admits slipping Joe Biden $20 to pants President Obama to find out if he's a boxers or briefs guy «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «»