Saturday | August 29, 2015
Mr T To Replace Star Jones Reynolds

NEW YORK (CAP) - Mere days after Star Jones Reynolds told Barbara Walters that regardless of what tree she wished to be she just wanted to leave, Walters has found another quirky black person to take her place.

"Mr. T will bring a little bling, a little 70's street cred to The View," Walters said. "Add our dyke to that, and we'll be the edgiest show on television."

Mr. T. follows Rosie O'Donnell as the latest addition to The View, a show in constant flux, much like stomach acid. The former A-Team alum seems to have embraced his latest role.

"Ah pity The View," T said at a recent press meet and greet. "T gonna show those bitches how it's done. T ain't gonna get his stomach stapled - contract said he can't. T gonna rule the roost."

Mr. T starts as soon as the show is able to clear the liposuction residue left in his (formerly Star's) dressing room.

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

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Taylor Swift says she plans to try speed dating because she's short on time and wants to pull together material for a new album «» Kim Kardashian announces she is pregnant, says she and Kanye plan to name the baby SXSW «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «»