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Witnesses: Spears Baby Jumped The CAP News Forensics Team re-enacts the Spears baby escape attempt. Don't try this at home.
Witnesses: Spears Baby Jumped

MALIBU (CAP) - Witnesses are now coming forward to dispute earlier statements that Britney Spears' baby fell out of his highchair. Contrary to DSS reports, they say Sean Preston actually jumped out of the highchair in a desperate escape attempt.

"SP just got this wild look in his eyes as soon as [father] Kevin put on his new demo tape," said family male nurse Lance Bass. "It was like he could see the future - and then he just jumped."

Attempts to reach Britney Spears for comment resulted in speeds in excess of 100mph. However, hubby Kevin Federline released a statement to the press from the 9th hole tee at the Malibu Country Club.

"Yo yo yo, Brits didn't drop the baby, but my disc drops June 13th," Federline said as he sliced his drive into the woods. "The joint is called 'Spears-Chucka'. Check it out, yo. Word. Peace."

Hospital documentation obtained by CAP News under false pretenses show that Sean Preston also attempted to jam a knitting needle into his ears several weeks ago, but was not seriously injured. Follow-up test results indicate the baby is still smarter than his parents despite the skull fracture.


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