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U.S. Accidentally Sends Wrong Bolton To Iran
WASHINGTON (CAP) - In what might be another serious foreign diplomacy setback for the Bush administration, the State Department confirmed this morning that it has mistakenly sent Grammy-award winning singer-songwriter Michael Bolton to Iran, instead of U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton.
Tensions over Iran's suspected nuclear program are bubbling over, and Bolton, the ambassador, was expected to meet with the ruling mullahs to broker a deal that would potentially avoid economic sanctions currently proposed by the U.N. Security Council.
Instead, it appears as if the once brilliant adult contemporary megastar, whose hits include "When a Man Loves a Woman", and "Time, Love, and Tenderness" will need to use some of the latter to work out a deal later this week in Tehran, or so the State Department hopes.
"This wasn't a mistake, per se," explained State Department intern Ralph Dempsey. "This is a landmark trip abroad, and we're expecting the internationally renowned Mr. Bolton to be a more hip version of Richard Nixon. He's going to roll out a new diplomatic strategy. The first, in fact, for an 'Axis of Evil' nation."
Bolton is expected to outline his Celebrity Softball Doctrine, in which he and other stars challenge the country's ruling clerics to a star-studded softball extravaganza. Actress Carmen Electra, former actor Corey Feldman, and former television star Joan Lunden are all expected to join Bolton as players/diplomats.
Bolton, who is being flown to the region on Condoleezza Rice's private jet, will have his work cut out for him. Iran banned the playing of American music in 1976, and has long held that "the streets of Tehran will run with retched blood of anyone playing American music - especially that adult contemporary crap."
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