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NEW YORK (CAP) - Fresh off his crusade to keep "Merry Christmas" the official December salutation of America, right-wing talk show host Bill O'Reilly is setting his sights on another holiday target: St. Patrick's Day.
"Bill is very serious about this," an O'Reilly spokeswoman told CAP News. "He stood up for Christmas as a Christian, and he's standing up for St. Patrick's Day as a man of Irish descent. He's genetically credentialed."
Insiders report that O'Reilly has already dyed his skin green and will unveil his new look on Monday's episode of "The O'Reilly Factor".
Detractors fall back on SAT logic to denounce O'Reilly's right to tinker with the holiday.
"Bill O'Reilly is to Irish as Bryant Gumbel is to Negro," said Tom O'Brien, president of the Ithaca chapter of the Irish Anti-Defamation League. "Besides which, unlike with Christmas, he's not trying to preserve St. Patrick's Day - he's trying to completely change it."
If O'Reilly gets his way, Get Ripping Drunk & Beat The Holy Fuck Out Of A Commie Liberal Day will occur next Friday.