Monday | November 24, 2014
Justice League Denounces Cartoon Violence
The SuperFriends monitor a burning effigy in Pakistan as they draft their resolution condemning the violence.

METROPOLIS (CAP) - The Justice League Of America today condemned the violent protests against the cartoons that have taken place around the world and urged governments to take steps to lower tensions. The SuperFriends issued a press release announcing a joint effort with the Legion Of Doom to put an end to the violence.

"We understand fully why people find the cartoons offensive," said JLA spokesperson Green Lantern. "I mean, we had to deal with the Wonder Twins all those years. Believe me, we know. But violence isn't the answer."

The press release also condemned the torching of the Danish embassy in Damascus and refuted reports that the fire was accidentally touched off by Firestorm. However, the JLA did offer Captain Cold's services in the event of future fires.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, the JLA did offer to send a mediation team to Afghanistan led by Brainiac and Black Vulcan. Aquaman was the original choice but as of press time was stuck in a fishing net in the Caspian Sea.

Responding to questions from Washington about exactly who engaged the JLA, British Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted that he had sounded the Trouble Alert at the Hall of Justice. He said the action was necessary after calls to Commissioner Gordon went unanswered.

- CAP News Staff

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Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»