Friday | April 18, 2014
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@JoeBiden #CallMeLatinoJoe
Joe Biden acts as grand marshall for the first annual March Of The Overweight Hispanics thanks to his work in the overweight Hispanic community.
FROM THE VAULT
April 12, 2006
U.S. Accidentally Sends Wrong Bolton To IranU.S. Accidentally Sends Wrong Bolton To Iran
Fake Advertisement

MIDDLE EAST

Justice League Denounces Cartoon Violence

Justice League Denounces Cartoon Violence
The SuperFriends monitor a burning effigy in Pakistan as they draft their resolution condemning the violence.

METROPOLIS (CAP) - The Justice League Of America today condemned the violent protests against the cartoons that have taken place around the world and urged governments to take steps to lower tensions. The SuperFriends issued a press release announcing a joint effort with the Legion Of Doom to put an end to the violence.

"We understand fully why people find the cartoons offensive," said JLA spokesperson Green Lantern. "I mean, we had to deal with the Wonder Twins all those years. Believe me, we know. But violence isn't the answer."

The press release also condemned the torching of the Danish embassy in Damascus and refuted reports that the fire was accidentally touched off by Firestorm. However, the JLA did offer Captain Cold's services in the event of future fires.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, the JLA did offer to send a mediation team to Afghanistan led by Brainiac and Black Vulcan. Aquaman was the original choice but as of press time was stuck in a fishing net in the Caspian Sea.

Responding to questions from Washington about exactly who engaged the JLA, British Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted that he had sounded the Trouble Alert at the Hall of Justice. He said the action was necessary after calls to Commissioner Gordon went unanswered.


- CAP News Staff

MORE world NEWS
Fake Advertisement


Advertise Here

    ALL MATERIAL IS

    SATIRE

    AND ©2005-2014 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
    Chinese officials are preparing to launch a group of children into space as part of a mission to fix that country's broken moon rover. "We hand-selected the finest worker from all of China sweatshop," said the Xinhua news agency. "They will restore China intergalactic glory or perhaps die trying." «» Secretary of State John Kerry says he's "stumped" trying to think of a big word to call Israel in retaliation for being labeled "messianic" by their defense minister. "Frankly, I don't even know what that word means," said Kerry. "Funny how they have a better English vocabulary than we do." «» Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admits he once ran through City Hall while holding a pair of scissors after video surfaced showing him doing so. "What else does Toronto have to endure at the hands of this madman?" wrote one local blogger. "I don't even trust him with safety scissors." «» Iran President Hassan Rouhani says he will give United Nations inspectors access to his country's movie theatres in time for the premiere of Catching Fire. "What a radical shift from Ahmadinejad, who wouldn't let anyone watch The Hunger Games," said one UN official. "I hope we get some popcorn, too." «» Explorers combing through a desolate section of the Amazon have uncovered a lost tribe of indigenous peoples whose customs have turned popular theory upside down. "We've run numerous experiments, and it turns out these people actually don't like parades," said one researcher. "Next we're going to try them with pie." «» A new report reveals Iranian President Hassan Rouhani has his fingers crossed every time he says he wants amicable diplomatic relations with the West. "We started getting suspicious when he wouldn't shake anyone's hand," said a source. "So we think his Peaceful Bomb Program may be code for something else." «» Germany is formally asking the United States to stop eavesdropping on conversations and remove the hidden cameras that spy on Chancellor Angela Merkel while she's getting dressed. "Seriously? She's like 75 years old. That's just gross," said one German official. "And the Chancellors Gone Wild website is completely uncalled for." «» China is warning of "catacrysmic repelcussions" if Congress doesn't raise the debt ceiling so America can pay its loans to the motherland. "First we repossess Louisiana Purchase and build lots of factory there," said President Xi Jinping. "Next we tax bejesus out of pork fried rice. Should I go on?" «» Google is planning to bring oat bran, flaxseed and other whole grains to 34 cities as part of its burgeoning Google Fiber project. "Muffins, cereal, breads - we aim to keep America regular," said a spokesperson. "Our country may have an obesity epidemic, but we don't have to poop like it." «» After suggesting that learning a trade is a better career choice than an art history degree, President Obama has offered his apologies by delivering coffee and doughnuts to unemployed art history majors. "Chin up, my jobless friends," he said. "This country needs more baristas who can wax poetic about Rembrandt." «»
    Chinese officials are preparing to launch a group of children into space as part of a mission to fix that country's broken moon rover. "We hand-selected the finest worker from all of China sweatshop," said the Xinhua news agency. "They will restore China intergalactic glory or perhaps die trying." «» Secretary of State John Kerry says he's "stumped" trying to think of a big word to call Israel in retaliation for being labeled "messianic" by their defense minister. "Frankly, I don't even know what that word means," said Kerry. "Funny how they have a better English vocabulary than we do." «» Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admits he once ran through City Hall while holding a pair of scissors after video surfaced showing him doing so. "What else does Toronto have to endure at the hands of this madman?" wrote one local blogger. "I don't even trust him with safety scissors." «» Iran President Hassan Rouhani says he will give United Nations inspectors access to his country's movie theatres in time for the premiere of Catching Fire. "What a radical shift from Ahmadinejad, who wouldn't let anyone watch The Hunger Games," said one UN official. "I hope we get some popcorn, too." «» Explorers combing through a desolate section of the Amazon have uncovered a lost tribe of indigenous peoples whose customs have turned popular theory upside down. "We've run numerous experiments, and it turns out these people actually don't like parades," said one researcher. "Next we're going to try them with pie." «» A new report reveals Iranian President Hassan Rouhani has his fingers crossed every time he says he wants amicable diplomatic relations with the West. "We started getting suspicious when he wouldn't shake anyone's hand," said a source. "So we think his Peaceful Bomb Program may be code for something else." «» Germany is formally asking the United States to stop eavesdropping on conversations and remove the hidden cameras that spy on Chancellor Angela Merkel while she's getting dressed. "Seriously? She's like 75 years old. That's just gross," said one German official. "And the Chancellors Gone Wild website is completely uncalled for." «» China is warning of "catacrysmic repelcussions" if Congress doesn't raise the debt ceiling so America can pay its loans to the motherland. "First we repossess Louisiana Purchase and build lots of factory there," said President Xi Jinping. "Next we tax bejesus out of pork fried rice. Should I go on?" «» Google is planning to bring oat bran, flaxseed and other whole grains to 34 cities as part of its burgeoning Google Fiber project. "Muffins, cereal, breads - we aim to keep America regular," said a spokesperson. "Our country may have an obesity epidemic, but we don't have to poop like it." «» After suggesting that learning a trade is a better career choice than an art history degree, President Obama has offered his apologies by delivering coffee and doughnuts to unemployed art history majors. "Chin up, my jobless friends," he said. "This country needs more baristas who can wax poetic about Rembrandt." «»