Tuesday | September 1, 2015
Justice League Denounces Cartoon Violence
The SuperFriends monitor a burning effigy in Pakistan as they draft their resolution condemning the violence.

METROPOLIS (CAP) - The Justice League Of America today condemned the violent protests against the cartoons that have taken place around the world and urged governments to take steps to lower tensions. The SuperFriends issued a press release announcing a joint effort with the Legion Of Doom to put an end to the violence.

"We understand fully why people find the cartoons offensive," said JLA spokesperson Green Lantern. "I mean, we had to deal with the Wonder Twins all those years. Believe me, we know. But violence isn't the answer."

The press release also condemned the torching of the Danish embassy in Damascus and refuted reports that the fire was accidentally touched off by Firestorm. However, the JLA did offer Captain Cold's services in the event of future fires.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, the JLA did offer to send a mediation team to Afghanistan led by Brainiac and Black Vulcan. Aquaman was the original choice but as of press time was stuck in a fishing net in the Caspian Sea.

Responding to questions from Washington about exactly who engaged the JLA, British Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted that he had sounded the Trouble Alert at the Hall of Justice. He said the action was necessary after calls to Commissioner Gordon went unanswered.

- CAP News Staff

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New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Group of feminists vow to strip naked and walk across DMZ between North and South Korea to prove how uptight both nations are «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «»