Saturday | January 31, 2015
Justice League Denounces Cartoon Violence
The SuperFriends monitor a burning effigy in Pakistan as they draft their resolution condemning the violence.

METROPOLIS (CAP) - The Justice League Of America today condemned the violent protests against the cartoons that have taken place around the world and urged governments to take steps to lower tensions. The SuperFriends issued a press release announcing a joint effort with the Legion Of Doom to put an end to the violence.

"We understand fully why people find the cartoons offensive," said JLA spokesperson Green Lantern. "I mean, we had to deal with the Wonder Twins all those years. Believe me, we know. But violence isn't the answer."

The press release also condemned the torching of the Danish embassy in Damascus and refuted reports that the fire was accidentally touched off by Firestorm. However, the JLA did offer Captain Cold's services in the event of future fires.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, the JLA did offer to send a mediation team to Afghanistan led by Brainiac and Black Vulcan. Aquaman was the original choice but as of press time was stuck in a fishing net in the Caspian Sea.

Responding to questions from Washington about exactly who engaged the JLA, British Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted that he had sounded the Trouble Alert at the Hall of Justice. He said the action was necessary after calls to Commissioner Gordon went unanswered.

- CAP News Staff

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Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «»