Tuesday | November 25, 2014
West Virginia Proud Of New Roadkill Law
Whoo-wee, them's some good eatin'!

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (CAP) - Residents of West Virginia are rejoicing today after a decision by the state Senate to allow vehicle operators to collect and eat their roadkill.

This decision confirms the rest of the country's notion that West Virginians are indeed a bit bizarre, and have been snacking on squirrels, birds, and the occasional cat without anyone else knowing.

Proponents of the new law say if drivers will eat their roadkill, then the state can save money by not having to pay highway workers to remove the bodies. That money could then in turn be spent on a huge chain link fence to surround the state so none of those wackos gets out.

Opponents of the law say it's not right to carve up the carcass of an animal who was killed while simply trying to cross the road. However, these same people don't seem to have a problem with firing a shotgun at one of these creatures while it stands peacefully in the forest.

"I would not like it known that I voted for West Virginians to eat road kill," said Sen. Elizabeth Slate. "But, I guess since I'm telling this to the media, there's really no way to hide it now."

State Senators attached numerous ryders to the bill in order to get it passed. The bill does not allow for people to drive their vehicles through the front walls of restaurants in order to get some free food, and it is not applicable for humans who are hit by cars.

However, vehicle operators are allowed to swerve and hit an animal they think looks particularly tasty, provided that animal is not on a leash being walked by a human.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE u.s. NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «»
Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «»