Wednesday | January 28, 2015
Jessica Simpson Ordered To Rest Brain
A SPECT scan showing normal brain activity (left) and Jessica Simpson's brain activity (right).

NEW YORK (CAP) - Just days after doctors told Jessica Simpson to take some time off to rest her voice, they've come forward to say that tests show she should rest her brain as well.

"We ran a series of EEG's on Ms. Simpson during a recent visit," said Dr. Ravi Karath. "We did not expect to see much activity - I mean, she's Jessica Simpson. Boy, were we wrong."

Karath explained that in a typical female brain, the electrical impulses follow a somewhat standard traffic pattern based on daily thoughts and routines. However, in Jessica's brain, he said there's no discernable pattern at all, with the electrical impulses "almost appearing confused."

"It is true that Jessica is very confused," Jessica's publicist, Rob Shuter, told CAP News. "She's been ordered to rest her brain. Frankly, I'm not sure it's going to help. She's always been this way."

Karath said the team of doctors who examined Jessica's EEG had no medical basis for their prescription, but figured anyone with that much brain activity and that little intelligence could stand some rest.

Jessica herself said she hopes her condition improves by next weekend so she can continue the media blitz in support of her new album A Public Affair. However, when doctors explained her condition to her, it created additional aimless brain waves and set her back by a week.

- CAP News Staff

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Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «» The X-Files returning to Fox with all-new characters E-Cigarette Man, Dentures Man, and Edward Snowden as leader of the reconstituted Lone Gunmen «» AC-DC accepts invite to play Coachella 2015, requests to be off stage by 7pm before they become "cranky and irritable" from being up too late «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» NFL says if Patriots had deflated footballs, their punt would have wedged in Josh Cribbs' facemask, not bounced off of it «»