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WASHINGTON (CAP) - Throwing his full support behind the recent initiative to make English the official language of the United States, President Bush has stated through an interpreter that he is prepared to learn the language himself.
"See, English is the gooderest language out there," the President said. "We teached it to the Englandish peoples, and they agreed. 9-11. English muffins, yummy. I'm gonna learn how to bake them, and then I'm gonna speak their language."
The interpreter spent most of the press conference shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders as the Muzak-version of Modern English's "I Melt With You" wafted over the assembled reporters.
To show his commitment to what aides are calling the No English-Illiterate American Left Behind initiative, President Bush plans on spending the months of June, July and August at his Crawford, Texas ranch, where he will be putting the program through its paces with a series of grueling, 20-minute per day sessions.
While some see it as a ploy merely to avoid deportation when a final version of the immigration bill meets with lobbyists' approval, others lament the fact that the President will actually become conversant in his native tongue.
"With the death of Bushese, we will be losing a very unique sub-language," said Harvard Linguistics Professor Murray Engelmann. "This sub-language has only one practitioner, making it even more rare than that practiced by the African Squatoo tribe, who speak by defecating in code. If you must do something, teach the President to speak as the Squatoo do. At least one endangered language will benefit."
A spokesman for the Squatoo tribe had no perceptible comment, but it was deadly.
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