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BOSTON (CAP) - Speculation has been building for months in the media industry that CAP News, the news division of Crystal Air Productions, has a secret source buried deep in the White House. A top CAP News editor today confirmed it.
"We call him/her 'Deep Anus'," said CAP News Political Editor Gary Stevenson. "Our Deep Anus leaks have been of enormous value in a number of stories we've reported on over the past few months.
"In terms of the name, well, what choice did we have? Woodward and Bernstein already took Deep Throat. There weren't many orifices left to choose from. Deep Vagina? Deep Nostril? Deep Ear? Deep Urethra, for Christ's sake?" Stevenson asked.
Other media outlets were quick to blast CAP News for putting a face on their anonymous source.
"When you give an anonymous source a name, you undermine the whole 'questionable credibility of the source' thing," said an anonymous source - we'll call him Deep Vagina - at FOX News. "What's next, fact checking?"
Gary Stevenson remained unapologetic.
"Look, we're an up-and-coming news organization, a ready target for more established media outlets that feel threatened. Bottom line, I think they're just jealous that they don't have a Deep Anus."
The White House declined to comment for this article, but Deep Anus said that they have quietly launched a secret investigation to try and ferret him/her out.
Good luck Deep Anus, and Godspeed.