Saturday | March 28, 2015
"Bounceback Broad" Takes Momentum To Nevada

NASHUA, NH (CAP) - Sixteen years ago the state of New Hampshire christened her husband the Comeback Kid. Tuesday night it was her time, and the Bounceback Broad could not have been more pleased.

"Barack Obama was handing this old girl her ass, and you changed all that!" Hillary Rodham Clinton told an enthusiastic crowd of supporters Wednesday morning as she prepared to board her bus, the Experience Express.

Clearly overcome with emotion but determined not to cry, again, she fidgeted with her victory tiara and collected her composure while Elton John's The Bitch Is Back rocked the early morning crowd. Regaining control, she delivered the sound bite that may well become her campaign's rallying cry in the days and weeks ahead.

"You have made me the Bounceback Broad, and this broad is riding her wide aspirations all the way to the White House!" Clinton yelled above the approving roar of her adoring fans. No one seemed more pleased with the victory than the original Comeback Kid.

"Hill's got 35 years of experience under her belt. Oh yeah, she bounces," said husband and former president Bill Clinton as he prepared to mount his wife's bus. "She bounces."

Down by double digits in some polls heading into New Hampshire, Clinton managed to overcome that deficit and more to capture the state and put an effective halt to Barack Obama's Iowa momentum. Gone are the threats to retool the campaign, write off some upcoming primaries and remake Hillary by embracing a more alluring Catholic schoolgirl look.

Many staffers, their jobs on the line, are leaving New Hampshire very relieved.

"'Whore, I get embarrassed here and you're collecting tolls on the New York Expressway for a few months, capiche?'" one staffer recalled Clinton snapping at her Monday. "By Wednesday we were sharing a hot tub, sipping champagne and watching the late returns pour in. God bless you, New Hampshire!"

The Experience Express' next stop is Nevada, which has a caucus scheduled for January 19th. The Nevada campaign kicks off Friday night with a gala dinner sponsored by the Nevada Gaming Control Board, whose members experienced a significant windfall Tuesday when Hillary edged the 3:1 favored Obama in the New Hampshire primary.

- Rich Gray
Contributing Writer

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Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Five senior GOP lawmakers charged with hazing after administering swirlies and bare-buttock paddling on the 12 new freshman senators «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»