Thursday | March 5, 2015
Over 100,000 New Year's Resolutions Broken This Week

BOSTON (CAP) - Hundreds of thousands of New Year's resolutions were broken this week as trial gym memberships expired and were not renewed. Exit polls conducted by CAP News found that many have lined up other plans for the spring.

"I am totally going to walk every night after dinner, and maybe even get myself in shape for one of those 4K races," said Boston resident and former Planet Fitness member Barry LaCroix. "I mean, there's way too much snow on the ground now, but once it melts I'll be out there every day."

A large number of people who had purchased year-long gym memberships have also given up their quest for improved physical health, telling CAP News that they have decided instead to just eat healthier in order to lose the weight they want.

"I'm not really breaking the resolution per se, because I still have the gym membership," said Detroit resident and Anytime Fitness member Sarah Lenzielle. "Things are just really busy right now. Once they settle down, I'll get back there."

Meanwhile, long time gym members say they're happy to see the "resolutioners" leave because parking at so many facilities has been nothing but a nightmare. Other top complaints include long wait times for many fitness machines, pools of sweat on the stationary bike seats, and an excess of scraggly pubic hairs in the shower stalls.

"The dirty masses really should have their own gym, or go to the YMCA," said Los Angeles resident and Gold's Gym member Kent Smithfield. "I mean, 20 minutes on the elliptical isn't going to make them one of the beautiful people - know what I'm saying?"

The survey also found that two out of three who failed their health-related resolution this year had made and failed the same resolution last year and are 87% likely to make the same resolution next year. Officials for Planet Fitness, Anytime Fitness and Gold's Gym could not be reached for comment as they were too busy depositing checks at the bank.

- CAP News Staff

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